The Universe Has a Plan?

I’ve drafted this post a couple of times and each time it was more negative than I wanted it to be so I decided to try one more time and this time start with a recap of my last few trips to the barn.

I’m FINALLY feeling better and was able to make it out to the barn Friday, Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday (for a lesson). On Friday I lunged Katai with her halter and she was really good. I’ve been working on some positive reinforcement training getting her to slow down her body, listen to half halts from my body language, and trot slower while still carrying herself. She was finding the carrying part especially tough on Friday but mentally she was very keyed in and listening.

Who's this Scout horse and is his nameplate tasty?

Last Saturday I had a great ride with her and she worked really hard. K was riding a training horse at the same time and it was nice to have a riding buddy (who knows how to negotiate the very small arena with another horse) and great inspiration to have her also doing things like shoulder in and leg yields. I rode for quite a while and we did quite a bit of lateral work. I was able to really enforce the rules kindly and patiently and Katai was right on board with working that hard which was nice. There were no meltdowns and she never said no. We also did a good amount of canter and really worked on her twisting to the right and she was also game to work on that and do some SI at the canter. She was a little rushy but after the time off that didn’t surprise or bother me. Unfortunately I completely spaced and forgot to start the Equilab app so I’m already struggling with that goal.

We took Sunday off per the usual and then I rode on Monday evening. She was definitely tired and less willing to work hard but we still got some really great work. I stuck to walk and trot just based on how her body was feeling. She was really falling in going to the right which usually means that her hind leg is tired out, not too surprising after the canter work the previous day. It’s not helping that we have a ton of ice still so she wasn’t able to work out the kinks in turnout. It was another great ride though and she still worked hard and never quit. I did AGAIN forget to start the Equilab app. *grumbles*

Tuesday I had a lesson! Finally! It’s been since mid-December since both holidays feel on a Tuesday this year and then I was sick. We had planned that K was going to ride her and I was disappointed it was after such a long time off because I was hoping that it would be more productive. However, K still got a lot done and really focused on getting Katai to slow down her own body and carry herself without me holding her. This has been a theme in our lessons so it was great to have K able to feel what I’ve been feeling. She agreed that Katai is great at talking her rider into holding her up and also had no trouble working on it since she’s so much more advanced than I am  I know how to slow her off my seat it’s just that I haven’t been effectively training her that she MUST slow down off my seat so then eventually I get tired (when she decides to ignore me) and instead of using it as a training opportunity I start to go to the reins. It has been a really long time since I’ve seen Katai ridden and that was lovely. Her hind leg is getting so much more active and since she was still sort of tired and stiff that’s saying something. I did climb on at the very end but Katai was pretty pooped (muscle strength-wise) and also spicy at that point since they had just worked on the canter which included a couple of minor blow ups so we never quite got on the same page. I did get her to slow down a couple of times just off my seat so that was awesome.


I have some great homework!

The bad news? K is leaving us.

She has an amazing opportunity to move to the East Coast and work with a very well-known dressage trainer so I’m incredibly excited for her but also sad for myself. It’s not only that she’s a fantastic teacher, she’s also just an awesome person. I really like her take on things and how relaxed she is while still expecting good work. She really adapts to her students and their needs and holds me to a different standard than others. She’s also very honest about what I need to work on vs. glossing over things and I really appreciate that since it’s the way I improve the most. For at least the time being she’s planning to be home at least 1-2 weekends per month.

Such nice lipstick

Since I’m only taking e/o week lesson right now that sounds great except that weekends rarely work for me and I’m also concerned how long she’ll be able to keep that up especially going into summer and show season when I’m sure she’ll be very busy. It also is tough on my plans to show again since I’ve just lost another potential ride to shows and show coaching whether that was prior to the show or at the show. I’m also a little concerned how the barn atmosphere will change with her not being there on a regular basis and curious if anyone will leave.

Getting a trailer, which is a goal this year anyway, would fix a lot of this since I could trailer myself out for shows and take Katai to outside lessons and/or clinics. There are a lot of things floating around right now and bf and I had a great conversation last night about options, goals, plans, and how to potentially proceed. Mostly I’m just sad to know that a new friend won’t be around as much and feel like I’m losing part of my support system.

2018 Year in Review

I'm going with a full, wordy, review of 2018 and I'm going to fit it all in one post. Never fear, I analyzed the year as a whole vs. recapping posts so there is some new information here and at least one picture I took for each month I'm recapping. Hopefully the media will get you through this long post!

Pretty weather but a really tough month for us

January:

In general this year was tough riding wise and it really all started last winter. January was a continuation on that and I only ended up with one lesson despite typically taking them weekly with Jane. I was dealing with SADD and anxiety and Katai was dealing with saddle fit, ulcers, and too much energy from not being able to work because of the other two. The happy things going on were that I was dating someone amazing, had an adorable baby puppy, and was looking forward to moving out of my grandma’s house and into my own apartment.

Pony was doubtful and I was enthusiastic. This was during the period of time where we were
 pretty much always at odds with each other

February:

I posted a grand total of 2 times and didn’t even get my saddle shipped out to be resized until early February. By the end of February I had my saddle back and had managed to fit in a couple of lessons but Katai was still full of energy and probably ulcery. I had also moved and was dealing with awful weather. Personal things remained awesome, other than some awful depression and anxiety that came from the move and living in chaos for a while, but pony things still weren’t going well.

Pretty tail, also one of my last photos at Jane's barn *sadface*

March:

March continued to be a struggle. The weather was awful, Katai was naughty and overly full of energy still. I also had my car break down and ended up replacing it which ate up my trailer savings. That was the final straw for me and I decided that I needed to move somewhere that could consistently trailer me to shows, having onsite clinics etc, so that I could have more opportunities. Plus I found out that Jane was selling her farm. I was also still dealing with the transition of moving into a major city that I wasn’t familiar with and was feeling a bit trapped (although I didn’t realize that until later) and needing to figure out how to manage my rescue dog who was having major anxiety and leash aggression issues that I didn’t post much about.

I did actually ride occasionally. You can also see in Katai's expression how much she hated this place.
This was her constant look whenever I had her in the barn.

April:

April was my highest posting month this year with a grand total of 8 posts. Less than half of the amount I was posting in 2017. I moved to the barn in WI and was, at the time, thinking I’d have a show in May which was exciting. The weather continued to do it’s best to defeat me and I was already struggling with figuring out how to get to the barn with all the snow and ice. I posted about my show plans for the year *sadface*, dealt with two fairly significant snow storms, and went to OH for work. Then I was very sick when I got back which just continued making it difficult to be consistent with rides.

 

Getting ready to interview for a new job. Thankfully my boss at the time found out and then changed up my work to make it more sustainable so I ended up staying.

May:

I almost entirely ended up missing May but posted three times right toward the end of the month. The weather had suddenly gotten unseasonably hot and because of pony behavior things we decided we needed to skip the May show. I then realized that I wasn’t going to be able to go to the June show because of previous plans to go to NC with my bf for a wedding. Unbeknownst to me at the time that caused a chain effect of the serious dressage crew at the barn, including my trainer at the time, to lose all faith in me and push me out of their clique. I was learning some great things from S2 especially around how to handle Katai on the ground when she checked out. Partially I was needing to learn this because Katai was ALWAYS checked out at this barn. I’m still not sure of the cause but she hasn’t had such consistently negative (anxious) behavior anywhere else which is suspicious in retrospect. I was also sick for a week or so again.

Pretty sure we make a weird perfect team

June:

The highlight of my riding year (accomplishment wise) was riding for Kristi Wysocki in a clinic and having her give me very little advice (based on riding and showing at 1^st level) when I knew going in that she’s really tough. It definitely gave me confidence that 2^nd level is in our grasp. I also got to bring Moshy to spectate at a dressage show and she was amazing! It was so much fun and I can’t wait to do more of this in 2019.

Riding blind, only a well trained dressage horse could
be so on the aids that they don't need to see right? *snorts*

July:

After only posting early in June I didn’t post again until late July and only got a few posts in. I had diagnosed many of the things that I had been struggling with so far this year and had a plan including moving to a new barn since I had realized that I had overextended myself commute time wise. Something I wasn’t posting about at the time is how much worse the people at the WI barn were making things for me since I was being actively pushed out. I wasn’t sharing because I hate adding in any way to barn drama. Plus my mental health was pretty fragile this year so I was having a tough time not feeling that it was deserved it despite literally doing nothing that should have caused ANY negative feelings from anyone at the barn.

Very few pony pictures were taken in August so enjoy a puppy instead

August:

August was a big transition month and when things actually started to slightly start to look up to me for the first time in over 9 months. I moved Katai in the middle of the month and cut my commute to the barn more than in half. Bf and I also decided moving in together was officially a thing and found an apartment at the end of August. Katai spent most of July and then August entirely off work which set us way back especially since I hadn’t been at all consistent prior to that since back in November/December.

Saying goodby to my cute little apartment
(and the amazing view lol)

Finally in the arena after all that time off even if we weren't riding much yet 

September: 

I didn’t post a single thing in September. Instead I spent the month moving myself and the bf into the new apartment, being really sick (again!), and starting to slowly work toward more time at the barn with Katai.

I can tell I was starting to feel better in October because I took way more pictures

She's perfected the mare glare

 October:

Things really started looking up this month which is funny since typically it’s October/November when I really start to suffer with seasonal depression. Kinda tells you how rough the rest of the year was for me. At any rate, I actually started to be consistent with barn time and was meeting my goals for October. I also posted a bit more about the apartment move and my new tack storage and shared new goals for the rest of the year, did some shopping, and got more media posted.

November:

Despite only posting two times I was doing so much better and averaged 5 times per week at the barn which was a combination mainly of lunging and riding. I was starting to get my position back a bit and Katai was starting to be more consistently cooperative for the first time in over a year. I shared a general update of stuff I hadn’t posted over the past year and reviewed my updated goals which were going well.

Starting to get better at our selfie game

December:

Things have officially been feeling way better and like the worst of whatever the universe was trying to throw at me is over. In December I pretty much posted about shopping (lol) but despite a real lack of any riding content I’ve continued to be really consistent up until this past week or so but I blame that on the holidays. Mainly I’m so looking forward to 2019 and having a way better year in every way.

I’m aware how quiet things have been this year and I apologize for the negative tone in the blog. It truly just has been a year where I kept getting kicked when I was down even with small things. To top that off I was really struggling with anxiety and depression in a way I never have. I’ve tried to keep some of that out of the blog since it’s just not helpful but to still be decently transparent. Saying this isn’t to diminish the amazing things that happened at the end of last year including my relationship with one of the most amazing people I’ve met, moving in with him, my amazing puppy, and my incredible pony. Thank goodness for my amazing bf and his ability to support me through this really tough year because I don’t quite know what would have happened this year without his support. Mostly though I’m looking forward to a fresh start this next year where we can have more fun together, I can accomplish more of my goals (which are mainly riding goals lets be honest) and where I just don’t have so much stress in my life.

And Then I Was Sick :(

I've got some sort of devil cold. Everyone at work has had it by now but I had been fighting it off until the stress of this trip did me in. Someone at work has proposed that burning down our building might be the only way to stop it and now that I'm dealing with it I can't say that I disagree.

I started feeling sick on Thursday, was miserable on Friday for my flight back (thanks cold, so helpful and pleasant for my 4.5 hour flight), then Saturday and Sunday I pretty much laid around in bed and felt ok. Monday I started to go back downhill and now today I was miserable. Mostly it was because this also hit my monthly headache day so I was dealing with that as well.

More blurry arena photos. I may need to follow T's example
and finally invest in a nicer camera

I'd been doing so well and had made it to the barn Saturday - Monday and I RODE every day!! We also had a couple of great breakthroughs :) On Sunday Jane came out and gave me an extra mini lesson and started working with me more on using my seat to slow the canter. Whatever she said just clicked and I had a couple of amazing strides in each direction where Katai really came up with her shoulders and lightened in the connection. Katai won smart pony of the year award and we just had a great ride.

Then, on Monday we had another breakthrough that in some ways meant even more. With Katai it's the relationship stuff that means the most to me. Both because that's just more important to me than dressage ride improvement but also because we haven't always gotten along very well and Katai was so difficult to start that I didn't spend as much time building the relationship as I should have.

The best part of this trip was the vegan rum ball
rum soaked chocolate cake coated in dark chocolate :)

This weekend Katai has been HORRIBLY in heat (because we like to line up our girly days just to make sure we can be especially productive together once a month). On Saturday it wasn't that bad and I just wiped her off with a damp rag but it was much worse on Sunday and she was starting to chafe and get some raw skin. I put her in the wash stall ready for fireworks since she HATES the cold water and typically she piaffes her way through baths with a couple of rears and kicks at the wall for good measure unless we have warm water (which we don't at this barn). However, I was determined to make this as pleasant and quiet as possible for both of us so I did lots of baby talking and petting. I always try to do this but for whatever reason it really worked on Sunday. She was calm and resting and never once even threatened to kick at me even though I was washing between her legs when she was in heat.

It was just such great proof of how far we've come and gave me lots of hope that we're going to make it through this upcoming show with much less fuss.

Downtime

This winter has been tough for a few reasons but the weather has been nuts! It's been a very cold year overall but there have just been so many crazy temperature swings. On top of that it's either been very cold, highs in the single digits, or when it gets warmer, up into the 20s, we get dumped on with snow. This week was no different and we got around 4-6" of snow Monday-Wednesday. In addition it was still quite cold so none of the salt or chemicals were working which meant the roads were really bad.

Because of that I didn't get to the barn Monday or Tuesday and I was planning to make it there, no matter what, on Wednesday but the roads were still crappy and I was starting to get sick. On Thursday I was feeling really crappy and while I made it through my day at work it wasn't a good day. It was also only about 4* so I just couldn't make myself go to the barn.

Then Friday I felt even worse but I had the day off so I went to the barn in the morning and delivered more supplements for Katai and got her out to stretch her legs for a bit. I just lunged her in her halter without any sort of side reins but she got to w/t/c in each direction for a bit and I also just walked her around the arena so she could put her nose on things and do some exploring. I also did some spa stuff with her and got her tail trimmed, finally, since she had already pulled out a chunk about a week ago. I also cleaned up her back legs a bit (as much as I could with just spot remover) and cleaned and brushed out her mane.

I'm feeling better today and planning to go to the barn again but still not sure if I'll feel up to riding or if I'll just lunge again. I'd been planning on a make up lesson for Tuesday since we canceled because of the snow but both Jane and I are sick so I canceled. I'm still hoping that I can have a lesson tomorrow morning and will post a lesson recap if it happens.

Down and Out Again

Yep, still sick. Or sick again, not really sure which but it’s been a miserable week and a half.

Last Thursday when I rode I was feeling mostly better and mainly felt like I was getting over a cold then when I went on my date on Friday I was still feeling pretty good except that I was tired and didn’t have much of a voice. Normally with colds I work right through them and the only concession I might make is to not go to the barn the first couple of days or if it’s especially hot or cold out.

On Saturday I went out to the barn right away in the morning and had a great ride on Katai. As mentioned I’ve been really motivated to work on riding her outside so I took her out to the arena and started off by lunging her. I put the neck stretcher on her, which unfortunately was too loose, and really focused on making sure that I was the center of her universe while I lunged. Any time that I couldn’t get her attention I brought her in on a smaller circle where I could reinforce the bend and slow her speed and then when she was going well I’d let her back out on the circle. This worked really well and there were only a few shenanigans.

Then, once she was walking calming on the lunge I pulled off her lunging stuff, had to adjust the saddle but more on that later, and mounted up. She was still pretty up and since it was quite hot and humid I had kept the lunging to a minimum. Once I made sure that she was listening to me at a walk I put her right to work at the trot. I did my default when she’s tight and tense through her back which is lots of 15-20 meter circles with exaggerated inside bend getting her to really stretch down into the contact. As soon as she stretches down I reinforce the correct bend and keep the forward but focus on keeping her balanced. I also do LOTS of changes of direction She really wanted to canter but listened and after only several minutes I had her back up and swinging and she was soft through her jaw and goobering on her bit. Because it was so hot and humid and she was already sweating, and since she is still coming back into work after a week and a half off, I moved to the real plan for the day which was riding her out of the outdoor and directly into a trail ride.

It’s embarrassing but this is the first time I’ve done that since the entrance to the outdoor has demons (according to Katai) and I have to ride past a “fairy” garden that belongs to our BM and a couple of dumpsters which all the horses hate. She did that part well but was dancing around by the time we got to the beginning of our “trail”. Then she stopped dead and I realized that there was this brand new bug catcher thing. It seriously looked like an alien and was making tapping sounds from the bugs hitting the edges so I didn’t blame her at all.



Thanks for being amazing BM but my horse thinks this is an alien





Size Reference.

I let her stand and look at it until she was willing to go past on her own and then she was good. Until she saw the purple flowers. They were clearly out to get her, or the butterflies around the purple flowers, or the wind that was moving the purple flowers, or, well something was going to eat her. I had to make her trot at one point so that she didn’t spin and bolt but otherwise she really did quite well and I was pleased.

I got her past the scary trailers and back to the beginning of the trail and dismounted. I then led her back to the bug trap and we both touched it and looked it over and it wasn’t as scary then. Overall I was really pleased with both of us.

Then, because this isn’t already enough of a saga, I got REALLY sick on Sunday. I was in the bathroom all day again and just miserable. I had a really bad fever and was dying just laying still even though my roommates had the air conditioning turned down to 70 and I should have been freezing. That meant that I gave up my last chance to ride L’s horse which was extraordinarily disappointing.

Then on Monday I was still pretty miserable and after making it through work for most of the day I crashed pretty hard in the evening. This morning I still felt pretty icky but started to feel WAY better as the day went on and now I’m as close to 100% as I’ve been in over a week. My stomach is still not my best friend but I can think, my fever is gone, and I don’t have a cough or congestion so doing pretty well. I’m SO excited to be able to get back to the barn tonight!

Changes

Unfortunately not of the canter lead kind but still good. I found out that the horses are being put on night turnout which means they'll be going from getting around 6 hours outside to closer to 12 hours!!  I'm extremely excited, even though it means an increase in barn drama, and am really happy for my pony who I know will benefit from that extra time out.

On the other hand I had sort of a rough week this week. On Sunday I was able to get to the barn but I just lunged Katai at a walk since I was still under strict directions to allow her to walk only and not ride until Thursday. Katai was great and I was just sad that I didn't get to do more with her.

She had gained some weight and had a bit of belly after a full week off from when I was in WA for work. Ponies will be ponies :-)

The belly

Then I got to ride this guy!

Pretty good for a 4 year old

What was weird though is that I actually really enjoyed the ride. He's young and very tall and hasn't quite figured out his sea legs yet. He's sort of wobbly on his big long legs and even picking his feet is interesting sometimes. He's also a really good boy with huge movement except that's not necessarily something that I enjoy. It also took me awhile to figure him out because he's just not my sports car pony. I needed to give him more time to re-balance and I struggle enough with that with my pony. With a big leggy warmblood baby it was tough not riding him into the wall.

So lucky that I got to ride this talented guy

Poor guy was extremely tolerant though and is very amateur friendly despite only having been ridden by professionals prior to my rides on him.

Riding him though and enjoying the ride made me wonder what it would be like to own a horse rather than a pony. It was fun to think about "fitting in" and it was cool to see myself riding a large horse. I think part of it is that I've had some demoralizing rides with Katai recently. The show was tough and we really haven't had a good ride since then. First she was sassy, I think because she was stiff, sore, and out, and now she's on layup while she rests and recovers. In the end I can't even imagine having a second horse and of course Katai isn't going anywhere. I just think I needed to dream a little and take a break from thinking about my recent bad rides on my mare.

Also, big baby horse is a gelding and geldings are quiet and well behaved and have fewer opinions then mares, especially mare ponies, and especially chestnut mare ponies. He was simple and, to be completely honest, that was nice after some of Katai's recent moods.

Then I went home and promptly got really sick. I spent Monday and Tuesday resting and trying to fend off a really bad cold. While I was on my own layup I logged on to Facebook again, something I rarely do anymore, and realized that I hadn't checked in on my post on the Adult Pony Owning Support Group where I had shared my show photos. The post had blown up with over 200 likes and many amazing and supportive comments. That group is so extremely supportive and the comments were extraordinarily nice and complimentary of both myself and Katai. It was nice to see and was one great reminder of why I adore my girl. My motivation increased to ride and I was starting to get excited to get back on track with her again.

Wednesday I told myself I was going to get to the barn no matter what and then had to leave work early because I suddenly got really nauseous and lightheaded and spent the rest of the evening in my bathroom throwing up. Such is life.

Then Thursday started off rough but by the afternoon I was feeling really great and so I headed to the barn to ride my girl!! It was really hot and humid so I rode in the indoor where there was some shade. She did really well, she didn't want to walk and was a little sassy about it but by the end of the ride I got some amazing transitions within the trot and canter (which are normally really tough for her) and then called it since I didn't want to push her too hard after her time off. At first I was a little frustrated with her sassing at the walk but then I realized that after a week and a half off if the only attitude I get from my horse (and mare) is that she doesn't want to walk I'm way ahead of the curve.

I was really looking forward to another day at the barn today to do some more work but then ended up getting rescheduled on with a date I was looking forward to. Unfortunately said date went very wrong and I seriously think that I'm going to spend the rest of 2016 happily single. The worst part is that I would have really LOVED to have gone to the barn but I rescheduled to fit this in and then regretted it. Sometimes it's tough to juggle things in my personal life with ponies especially since I'd like to not be single for the rest of my life. At any rate, next time I prioritize the pony.

So, it's time to get back on track. I'm feeling motivated to ride and motivated to ride my girl not some other horse. I love her, no I adore her, and a few bad rides aren't going to throw us off track. This week I'm getting back on a 5 ride schedule and we're going to make things happen, specifically the things on our list of goals ;)

Nearly Wordless Wednesday

I’ve been absent because I picked up a bad cold last Thursday, summer colds suck, and then ended up with either heat stroke or food poisoning on Sunday which led to me spending about 7 hours throwing up and generally miserable while still dealing with this dratted cold. Now I'm just still trying to recover and catch up with life.

Luckily I got my lesson in on Sunday before I got sick and thanks to H I now have some lovely video stills to share :-)