A Kick in The Pants

Winter is always tough on my motivation. The seasonal change is the worst but the depression and headaches that always gives me seems to be over this year which is amazing. The winter is just tough because of the dark and cold.

At my previous barn it wasn't so bad since it was kept much warmer, closer to 50-60* so as soon as I got to the barn I was comfy and could wear just a light jacket. This barn is much chillier and probably kept closer to 32* just so it doesn't freeze. Certainly not complaining but as a huge freeze baby I have to admit that it's been tougher to make myself go to the barn this year.

Especially when we have weeks like this in early December

I've still been to the barn 3-4 days a week but I'm still aiming for 5 so that's a big difference. However on Tuesday H was able to make it to my lesson and it was an interesting evening that somehow left me feeling more motivated.

To start this off I want to preface by saying that I love H. She's been a friend since I was in my teens and she's really a good person. I really enjoy spending time with her especially since both of us are into dressage ponies so we have a lot to talk about. The thing is though, that she brings out all of my insecurities. That's not her fault but mine for letting who she is get into my head. 

H is really a triple threat, she's gorgeous, petit, a beautiful rider, and (the toughest for me to deal with) she rides at an absolutely amazing barn with an absolutely amazing instructor where she regularly gets the opportunity to bop around on a 4 year old Gold Premium filly, a schoolmaster(ish) level horse, and ride with clinicians like Janet Foy.

It's not the fact that I feel insecure around her because I really don't and we both have our own strengths. It's more that I'm jealous of her opportunities. Even as a kid she had a well trained pony, good instruction, and a trailer when I had a green broke and naughty horse that had only been on trail rides, no good instruction, and no trailer so no way to show or take lessons since there weren't any trainers nearby that had lesson horses. Every time I'm around her it's tough for me not to wish I had had the same opportunities in the past and that I could have the same opportunities now since I still don't have a trailer or a trainer who regularly shows throughout our region.

Don't get me wrong. At this point I would never trade and lesson with her instructor (who's a well known dressage judge) instead of Jane. He is amazing but I am at exactly the right place for me and Katai right now and  I wouldn't move even if I could. It's just tough every time I see or hear about her scribing and/or showing at large rated dressage shows and talking about all of the quirky show things or partying with our regions top riders after the show.

This time was especially difficult on me because her instructor, who's also a well respected breeder (as you can tell since he has a 4 year old Gold Premium filly that I believe he produced), has recently purchased no fewer than SIX GRPs. Two are older (3 and 6 I believe), four of them are just babies, and H will have the chance to play with, help break, train, and ride all of those gorgeous ponies. 

One of them in particular hurts because she's a Golden State baby (from the same barn/lines(?) as Forest Nymph) who I was drooling over for weeks before I heard she went to H's trainer. Of course I'm glad she's in such a good home and excited to meet her at some point but it still stings a bit. The fact that H was talking about all the ways that her trainer thinks this pony might be lacking for upper level dressage (obviously extremely nit-picky things since he has a Gold Premium baby) made it sting more especially since I have an amazing but free pony, with no specific breeding, no traceable bloodlines, and not even close to "fancy" movement. Insecurities talking again of course since I CERTAINLY wouldn't trade Katai even if the pony were offered to me tomorrow for free. Katai is amazing, she's my girl and my partner and she's really what I want.

Galaxie from Pics Of You Videos on Vimeo.

In the end, after already feeling like H had been a bit condescending about my ride during my lesson (those damn insecurities talking again) I had an emotional drive home. I was completely aware of how silly I'm being. I mean talk about a bunch of first world problems! I have a pony I adore, a trainer I love, and a barn that felt like home the moment I walked through the door and here I'm disappointed that I'm not at a show barn and don't have a 5 figure GRP. Even I know it's funny, it's the fact that H has all of that and she's about 6 years younger than me that leaves me feeling like all the air got knocked out of me.

I processed the whole way home coming up with all of the above conclusions and finally, about 10 minutes from home realized that action is the best thing. Instead of feeling jealous or less motivated I need to just get my butt to the barn, work extremely hard and make opportunities for myself. I need to stop allowing myself to run out of motivation and go to the barn 3-4 days a week and just go and ride my pony! I need to start working out again so that I have the strength to give her a good ride (I died a bit at my lesson on Tuesday which didn't help), and I need to make getting a trailer this year a priority. This isn't about saving up and getting a fancy pony for me (even though I want(ed) Galaxy so badly that it hurts), it's really about wanting more opportunities. Not to win, but at least to get out there and show and to continue to climb up the levels and that's something I just need to work for.

Pony Power

Last Sunday I went to see H’s lesson with Bill Solyntjes and I have to say he is incredible! I had heard such great things about him in the past and he really is such a calm, positive, knowledgeable expert on dressage that I’m a bit jealous that H has the opportunity to study with him. Her pony, we think he’s probably a Morgan, has amazing suspension at the trot however he was still struggling at the canter but at her lesson on Sunday she had a breakthrough which was amazing to see and I was so glad to be able to celebrate with her :-) I was also able to return the favor she did me last weekend and take a whole bunch of video of her ride.

 

I also got to meet another resident pony at Bill’s barn who is a 14 hand GRP. She is an amazing little character and is trained to I-1. Her owner was understandably so proud of her and we had a great talk about how incredible ponies are and how none of us would ever own anything else. 

 

Here's a video of her http://youtu.be/Znn6P6btRmw

The barn was bustling the entire time I was there with people tacking, untacking, and grooming/working with their horses. Everyone of them rides dressage at various, but mainly upper levels, and I have to admit that I’m a bit jealous about that too. Add to that the fact that H got to audit a Janet Foy clinic and I'm slowly turning green haha. Pretty much the only thing I miss from J’s barn was that there were ALWAYS multiple people riding and all of them rode dressage. It created such a wonderful atmosphere to be able to talk dressage and horses with like minded people as well as being able to look up to them and motivate me to make progress so I could ride that way. Now at my current barn, which I do really love, the majority of the riders are western and while there are 6-7 people there that are pretty serious about dressage my schedule never seems to put me at the barn the same time they’re there. The barn is also spread apart enough that even if there is someone else there I may never see them. Again, I’m not complaining since it is an amazing facility but I have to admit that I’m beginning to wish that I were located on the other side of the twin cities so that I could have the possibility of boarding at the barn H is at since it is such an amazing dressage barn and I'd love to be able to work with such an incredible dressage trainer.

 

As far as my pony goes, this week our weather has turned and we are back to barely getting above 50 degrees. I had to focus on some stuff at my apartment last night so I didn’t get a ride in but now tonight I rode again and Katai was really tense and rushy again. I'm proud to say though that we worked through it together as a team and got to a point where we were getting some decent work. It certainly wasn't the best she's been but it was a huge improvement over the start of the ride. I'm going to try to increase my rides to 4-5 per week and see if I can handle that addition to my schedule because I think it would be a huge benefit to both of us.

I'll leave you with a post bath picture of my pony. I had to document how white she was since it will be awhile before I see her like this again :)