If It's Not One Thing

It's another.

I'd LOVE to be able to post that I've had regular rides for a week and things are going well, however, that's really not the case yet.

First there was the weather and it started with ice and the barn being shut down. Then we had extreme mud and my car decided to break and cost me nearly $1400 in repairs. That both depled my emergency fund that I've been pouring my heart and soul (or mostly just all my pennies) into as well as the small amount of trailer savings I'd built up. Grrrrr

No pictures of the mud but here it is with the ice.
This was when the barn opened again because it was warm enough that it wasn't a skating rink.

The car repair meant that I had a loaner for a few days and didn't feel like needing to call a tow truck to get a massive BMW, that wasn't mine, towed at the barn when I got it stuck in the mud so I didn't go out for a few days. Then I got my car back but the steering was sort of erratic and getting worse so I missed a couple more days before finally bringing it back to the shop. In addition to that Katai had spring shots this past Wednesday and I gave her that day and Thursday off before going out on Friday guessing I'd be lunging. Unfortunately pony's neck was SUPER stiff and I'm wondering if she was also running a bit of a temperature. I gave her bute, groomed her and let her be.

Today I went out and when I first saw her in her stall I was so hopeful! Her neck no longer looked so stiff and I was hoping that the bute had helped and I'd be able to do just a light ride at mostly walk to get her back into things. However, I was grooming her and went to brush her side on the left and she nearly took my face off. Clearly her tummy was bothering her and after poking around a bit more it was clear she was feeling pretty ulcery. I gave her Tums and some ulcer meds and decided that based on how reactive she was being riding was only going to set us back.

I'm over here freaking out a little since I'm signed up to ride with K's trainer in a week and it's been over a week since I had a ride on my pony. Seriously, it would be great if the universe would just cooperate and let me get out to the barn on a regular basis!

Also, the vegan soul food from this all vegan restaurant was wonderful!

Leaving this blog on a positive note, the weather is AMAZING! It was in the mid 50s today and consistently it's been in the 40s. Thank goodness! I've finally been leaving Katai naked and it's been so nice to be able to be at the barn without feeling like I'm just trying to survive :)

I'm also really excited about my lesson next week! It would just be even better if I could ride at least a couple times before I ride so fingers crossed.

I also got all my tack cleaned last night and clean tack is the best. Now I just need to wait until shedding season is closer to being over and then I'll wash my brushes. I'm also working on getting my   blankets to a place that will wash them since I can't now that I'm living in a nice apartment with my bf.

The Universe Has a Plan?

I’ve drafted this post a couple of times and each time it was more negative than I wanted it to be so I decided to try one more time and this time start with a recap of my last few trips to the barn.

I’m FINALLY feeling better and was able to make it out to the barn Friday, Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday (for a lesson). On Friday I lunged Katai with her halter and she was really good. I’ve been working on some positive reinforcement training getting her to slow down her body, listen to half halts from my body language, and trot slower while still carrying herself. She was finding the carrying part especially tough on Friday but mentally she was very keyed in and listening.

Who's this Scout horse and is his nameplate tasty?

Last Saturday I had a great ride with her and she worked really hard. K was riding a training horse at the same time and it was nice to have a riding buddy (who knows how to negotiate the very small arena with another horse) and great inspiration to have her also doing things like shoulder in and leg yields. I rode for quite a while and we did quite a bit of lateral work. I was able to really enforce the rules kindly and patiently and Katai was right on board with working that hard which was nice. There were no meltdowns and she never said no. We also did a good amount of canter and really worked on her twisting to the right and she was also game to work on that and do some SI at the canter. She was a little rushy but after the time off that didn’t surprise or bother me. Unfortunately I completely spaced and forgot to start the Equilab app so I’m already struggling with that goal.

We took Sunday off per the usual and then I rode on Monday evening. She was definitely tired and less willing to work hard but we still got some really great work. I stuck to walk and trot just based on how her body was feeling. She was really falling in going to the right which usually means that her hind leg is tired out, not too surprising after the canter work the previous day. It’s not helping that we have a ton of ice still so she wasn’t able to work out the kinks in turnout. It was another great ride though and she still worked hard and never quit. I did AGAIN forget to start the Equilab app. *grumbles*

Tuesday I had a lesson! Finally! It’s been since mid-December since both holidays feel on a Tuesday this year and then I was sick. We had planned that K was going to ride her and I was disappointed it was after such a long time off because I was hoping that it would be more productive. However, K still got a lot done and really focused on getting Katai to slow down her own body and carry herself without me holding her. This has been a theme in our lessons so it was great to have K able to feel what I’ve been feeling. She agreed that Katai is great at talking her rider into holding her up and also had no trouble working on it since she’s so much more advanced than I am  I know how to slow her off my seat it’s just that I haven’t been effectively training her that she MUST slow down off my seat so then eventually I get tired (when she decides to ignore me) and instead of using it as a training opportunity I start to go to the reins. It has been a really long time since I’ve seen Katai ridden and that was lovely. Her hind leg is getting so much more active and since she was still sort of tired and stiff that’s saying something. I did climb on at the very end but Katai was pretty pooped (muscle strength-wise) and also spicy at that point since they had just worked on the canter which included a couple of minor blow ups so we never quite got on the same page. I did get her to slow down a couple of times just off my seat so that was awesome.


I have some great homework!

The bad news? K is leaving us.

She has an amazing opportunity to move to the East Coast and work with a very well-known dressage trainer so I’m incredibly excited for her but also sad for myself. It’s not only that she’s a fantastic teacher, she’s also just an awesome person. I really like her take on things and how relaxed she is while still expecting good work. She really adapts to her students and their needs and holds me to a different standard than others. She’s also very honest about what I need to work on vs. glossing over things and I really appreciate that since it’s the way I improve the most. For at least the time being she’s planning to be home at least 1-2 weekends per month.

Such nice lipstick

Since I’m only taking e/o week lesson right now that sounds great except that weekends rarely work for me and I’m also concerned how long she’ll be able to keep that up especially going into summer and show season when I’m sure she’ll be very busy. It also is tough on my plans to show again since I’ve just lost another potential ride to shows and show coaching whether that was prior to the show or at the show. I’m also a little concerned how the barn atmosphere will change with her not being there on a regular basis and curious if anyone will leave.

Getting a trailer, which is a goal this year anyway, would fix a lot of this since I could trailer myself out for shows and take Katai to outside lessons and/or clinics. There are a lot of things floating around right now and bf and I had a great conversation last night about options, goals, plans, and how to potentially proceed. Mostly I’m just sad to know that a new friend won’t be around as much and feel like I’m losing part of my support system.

2018 Year in Review

I'm going with a full, wordy, review of 2018 and I'm going to fit it all in one post. Never fear, I analyzed the year as a whole vs. recapping posts so there is some new information here and at least one picture I took for each month I'm recapping. Hopefully the media will get you through this long post!

Pretty weather but a really tough month for us

January:

In general this year was tough riding wise and it really all started last winter. January was a continuation on that and I only ended up with one lesson despite typically taking them weekly with Jane. I was dealing with SADD and anxiety and Katai was dealing with saddle fit, ulcers, and too much energy from not being able to work because of the other two. The happy things going on were that I was dating someone amazing, had an adorable baby puppy, and was looking forward to moving out of my grandma’s house and into my own apartment.

Pony was doubtful and I was enthusiastic. This was during the period of time where we were
 pretty much always at odds with each other

February:

I posted a grand total of 2 times and didn’t even get my saddle shipped out to be resized until early February. By the end of February I had my saddle back and had managed to fit in a couple of lessons but Katai was still full of energy and probably ulcery. I had also moved and was dealing with awful weather. Personal things remained awesome, other than some awful depression and anxiety that came from the move and living in chaos for a while, but pony things still weren’t going well.

Pretty tail, also one of my last photos at Jane's barn *sadface*

March:

March continued to be a struggle. The weather was awful, Katai was naughty and overly full of energy still. I also had my car break down and ended up replacing it which ate up my trailer savings. That was the final straw for me and I decided that I needed to move somewhere that could consistently trailer me to shows, having onsite clinics etc, so that I could have more opportunities. Plus I found out that Jane was selling her farm. I was also still dealing with the transition of moving into a major city that I wasn’t familiar with and was feeling a bit trapped (although I didn’t realize that until later) and needing to figure out how to manage my rescue dog who was having major anxiety and leash aggression issues that I didn’t post much about.

I did actually ride occasionally. You can also see in Katai's expression how much she hated this place.
This was her constant look whenever I had her in the barn.

April:

April was my highest posting month this year with a grand total of 8 posts. Less than half of the amount I was posting in 2017. I moved to the barn in WI and was, at the time, thinking I’d have a show in May which was exciting. The weather continued to do it’s best to defeat me and I was already struggling with figuring out how to get to the barn with all the snow and ice. I posted about my show plans for the year *sadface*, dealt with two fairly significant snow storms, and went to OH for work. Then I was very sick when I got back which just continued making it difficult to be consistent with rides.

 

Getting ready to interview for a new job. Thankfully my boss at the time found out and then changed up my work to make it more sustainable so I ended up staying.

May:

I almost entirely ended up missing May but posted three times right toward the end of the month. The weather had suddenly gotten unseasonably hot and because of pony behavior things we decided we needed to skip the May show. I then realized that I wasn’t going to be able to go to the June show because of previous plans to go to NC with my bf for a wedding. Unbeknownst to me at the time that caused a chain effect of the serious dressage crew at the barn, including my trainer at the time, to lose all faith in me and push me out of their clique. I was learning some great things from S2 especially around how to handle Katai on the ground when she checked out. Partially I was needing to learn this because Katai was ALWAYS checked out at this barn. I’m still not sure of the cause but she hasn’t had such consistently negative (anxious) behavior anywhere else which is suspicious in retrospect. I was also sick for a week or so again.

Pretty sure we make a weird perfect team

June:

The highlight of my riding year (accomplishment wise) was riding for Kristi Wysocki in a clinic and having her give me very little advice (based on riding and showing at 1^st level) when I knew going in that she’s really tough. It definitely gave me confidence that 2^nd level is in our grasp. I also got to bring Moshy to spectate at a dressage show and she was amazing! It was so much fun and I can’t wait to do more of this in 2019.

Riding blind, only a well trained dressage horse could
be so on the aids that they don't need to see right? *snorts*

July:

After only posting early in June I didn’t post again until late July and only got a few posts in. I had diagnosed many of the things that I had been struggling with so far this year and had a plan including moving to a new barn since I had realized that I had overextended myself commute time wise. Something I wasn’t posting about at the time is how much worse the people at the WI barn were making things for me since I was being actively pushed out. I wasn’t sharing because I hate adding in any way to barn drama. Plus my mental health was pretty fragile this year so I was having a tough time not feeling that it was deserved it despite literally doing nothing that should have caused ANY negative feelings from anyone at the barn.

Very few pony pictures were taken in August so enjoy a puppy instead

August:

August was a big transition month and when things actually started to slightly start to look up to me for the first time in over 9 months. I moved Katai in the middle of the month and cut my commute to the barn more than in half. Bf and I also decided moving in together was officially a thing and found an apartment at the end of August. Katai spent most of July and then August entirely off work which set us way back especially since I hadn’t been at all consistent prior to that since back in November/December.

Saying goodby to my cute little apartment
(and the amazing view lol)

Finally in the arena after all that time off even if we weren't riding much yet 

September: 

I didn’t post a single thing in September. Instead I spent the month moving myself and the bf into the new apartment, being really sick (again!), and starting to slowly work toward more time at the barn with Katai.

I can tell I was starting to feel better in October because I took way more pictures

She's perfected the mare glare

 October:

Things really started looking up this month which is funny since typically it’s October/November when I really start to suffer with seasonal depression. Kinda tells you how rough the rest of the year was for me. At any rate, I actually started to be consistent with barn time and was meeting my goals for October. I also posted a bit more about the apartment move and my new tack storage and shared new goals for the rest of the year, did some shopping, and got more media posted.

November:

Despite only posting two times I was doing so much better and averaged 5 times per week at the barn which was a combination mainly of lunging and riding. I was starting to get my position back a bit and Katai was starting to be more consistently cooperative for the first time in over a year. I shared a general update of stuff I hadn’t posted over the past year and reviewed my updated goals which were going well.

Starting to get better at our selfie game

December:

Things have officially been feeling way better and like the worst of whatever the universe was trying to throw at me is over. In December I pretty much posted about shopping (lol) but despite a real lack of any riding content I’ve continued to be really consistent up until this past week or so but I blame that on the holidays. Mainly I’m so looking forward to 2019 and having a way better year in every way.

I’m aware how quiet things have been this year and I apologize for the negative tone in the blog. It truly just has been a year where I kept getting kicked when I was down even with small things. To top that off I was really struggling with anxiety and depression in a way I never have. I’ve tried to keep some of that out of the blog since it’s just not helpful but to still be decently transparent. Saying this isn’t to diminish the amazing things that happened at the end of last year including my relationship with one of the most amazing people I’ve met, moving in with him, my amazing puppy, and my incredible pony. Thank goodness for my amazing bf and his ability to support me through this really tough year because I don’t quite know what would have happened this year without his support. Mostly though I’m looking forward to a fresh start this next year where we can have more fun together, I can accomplish more of my goals (which are mainly riding goals lets be honest) and where I just don’t have so much stress in my life.