Causation

Whatever’s not working at the current barn has become irrelevant because it is clear to me after my ride last night that I need to leave. I’ve been questioning if it is J’s teaching style, my riding style, the pony, or the other people but it just doesn’t matter because it isn’t working. 

Last night, after giving Katai a week off, I went out to ride her and I was able to relax because I didn’t have to worry about my lesson on Wednesday and the complete disaster that they have become. I had been toying again with the idea that maybe this just isn’t what Katai wants to do and had thought about possibly finding her another home with a kid but when I saw her pretty face and fuzzy ears last night I was strongly reminded that it doesn’t matter. I’m with her through whatever happens and we are going to be a team for a good long while. 

I brought her in and took my time grooming her. She’s been blanketed so she wasn’t dirty but she was enjoying being brushed since I’m sure she was itchy under her blanket. Her feet have also been concerning me and showing signs of Thrush again, probably because she stands in manure at the round bale all day and never moves around enough to dislodge the crap in her hooves. I cleaned them out as well as I could but I’m going to wash them out tonight and get them really disinfected and clean.

I tacked her up and went to the arena but there were two lessons so I took my time just walking around with her and showing her things that she’s been squeamish about. I tried to spend some time just hanging out with her and took my time tightening up the girth. 

After about 10 minutes one of the lesson people left so I brought Katai over to the mounting block and climbed up. She was initially a little tense and quick. I just rode her long and low with loose reins but expecting her to be reasonably straight and to listen to my leg cues. She did relax a lot and I was doing ten meter circles off my seat and legs with my reins on the buckle.

Eventually I did some trotting in both directions and since this is where J’s been putting the most pressure on us I knew she would lose it but actually after just a couple circles in each direction where I didn’t demand anything she relaxed enough to reach down into contact and even slowed just off my weight cue. I decided to quit on that positive note.

I brought her back into the crossties, got her untacked and was actually doing some clipper desensitization when this is where the story gets really good. I was just putting her blanket back on when J comes out if the arena and marches right over to me. She said, “I noticed you were working her in hand a lot tonight.” I kind of paused and said, “Nope, I was just hanging out waiting for the arena to clear out a little.” J then says, “Well if she’s that against you maybe you should take a driving lesson with me.”

I went

First, why is there nothing between me riding my horse in a third level frame which causes her to fight me and deciding that driving is just better? Did she not see that when she was ridden low, loose and relaxed tonight she was great? Again, Katai is an intro/training level horse and at this point I am an intro/training level rider which to me means we should be working on intro/training level things such as relaxation, rhythm, going different speeds within the gait, stretching, long and low, and working on other things like desensitization to clippers and riding on the trail. NOT transferring most of her weight to her hind end and trying to work on half pass or only allowing her to go forward when she is straight. Second, I know J probably knows how to drive but that doesn’t mean that I would go right into taking lessons with her and finally if there was ever a time to say green on green equals black and blue this is it! An instructor who doesn’t regularly drive teaching me, who has never driven a horse, to drive my young admittedly difficult horse just seems like an extremely horrible idea that is fraught with peril. Add to that the fact that I’m sure we don’t have any equipment that would fit her, I’m not sure that driving is something I’ll ever be comfortable after seeing my sister in a driving accident that resulted in three broken ribs, and the fact that I certainly can’t afford to go buy a bunch of driving equipment.  Finally, even if she is just talking ground driving its silly because Katai is the ground driving queen! I did a ton of this before I ever climbed on her back and she does it just as well, or poorly, as she rides at this point. Since I’m not scared of falling off or getting hurt when I ride her I guess I just don’t know what that will accomplish in the long run.

At any rate I’m going to stop my whining. I am really looking forward to this new opportunity and think I have a couple of barns picked out. I boarded Sora at one previously and the other I’ve heard great things about. That one I’m going to go tour on Friday and I can’t wait to look around! They have only stall board available and while it’s not something I ever thought I would do I also think it would be a great opportunity.

I typed up this post at work today on my lunch but need to add a postscript. I went to the barn right after work to see H ride in her lesson since its been awhile. She was doing really well! Afterward though when I told J that I needed to give my 30 day notice she fought me and declared, after I stubbornly refused to listen to her trying to get me to dump my pony at an auction, "You're going to regret this, that pony will never be worth anything."

Yep, I made the right decision to get out of there.

More positive and wonderful posts to follow including pictures of the new place as soon as I can get them!

Matter and Mature

I've had a rough couple of weeks. 

First, in non-horse-related items I let the boy that dumped me in November back into my life. Of course it seems stupid as I type it especially after how he dumped me but I believe strongly in forgiveness and he made a good case. I was only willing to let him back as a friend but after a drunk night of conversation he admitted that he was back because he wanted me back as a girlfriend. I refused to agree to that and told him he better take some time and think about it. I've behaved only as a friend with him since then refusing any advances and to his credit he has been mostly polite and respected my wishes. However it has been extremely emotionally tiring for me. I really did love him and had just really gotten over him when he contacted me and it has been an emotional roller coster for me trying to decide what I want since I have a decision to make. 

I'm still on the fence but the fence starting to lean one way pretty strongly and it is not in his favor.

With all that fun going on my time with Katai and at the barn should have been my escape but that has not proven to be the case. In my last post I wrote about how Katai in heat was a pain to deal with but I was starting to have my doubts that it had anything to do with hormones and with the new supplements really starting to make a difference in her comfort and behavior I have come very strongly to the conclusion that it has more to do with J.

I really, really, really, really didn't want that to be the case. I am not someone who questions her instructors. I've been taking serious lessons since I was five, not in riding, but in music but I gave and was taught to give those instructors my utmost respect and NEVER questioned them. If something hurt or I had questions I asked and we came up with a plan which I followed. I've had excellent instructors my whole life and stuck with all of them for 7+ years until they told me and/or my mom that it was time to move on to someone with more experience. With that being said I have lost so much respect for J after my last few lessons that I am beginning to think of moving my pony.

The issue is the trot. J wants a slow trot, with Katai carrying herself on her hind legs, and with an upright neck and head. Basically a 3rd level+ frame and carriage. I'm no Dressage expert but 

it. is. too. soon.  

and this has of course been proven by Katai's discomfort, tense back, canter/trot/gaiting mess, etc. She is not even a 90 day horse at this point and more importantly, she has an amateur rider. What I KNOW needs to happen is long and low, lifted back, slowly more uphill, and slowly changing the speed of her trot until she can carry herself properly for a few strides at a time and then build on that. J doesn't just want this advanced frame for a stride she wants it the whole, damn half hour lesson and I know it's bullshit. Even if Katai was ready for it, and she is not, I am not. I'm an amateur rider for heavens sake riding a horse that I have made slowly and with great care so as to not screw anything up. I know I take that risk since I am not an expert.

I'm mad, and have been mad, because Katai is my girl. It is up to me to protect her and speak for her and its not something I'm good at but even beyond that J is just so domineering that she will not listen to a word I say. I have been trying to not mess up my pony while J seems to be trying her damnedest to do just that plus I can't get it out of my head that it's because she dislikes Katai and just wants to prove to me that she is unsutable for this.

I'm mad that I put us in this place.

On Monday this week I got us out of the arena, away from J's eyes as she taught other lessons. I rode Katai in an open field and despite all of the things that she could have had issues with and the fact that I have not riden her anywhere but the indoor arena since I moved her to this stable she was perfect. She listened, she generalized knowledge, she realized that she still needed to listen to my leg and seat even in a different and exciting place. Most importantly she troted, fast but even with her back lifted and her head low, curved and relaxed. Her back swung. She didn't duck behind the verticle. I had steering AND brakes. She pushed up hills and maintained her pace and got only a slight bit faster going down them. She evenly and quietly changed to a canter and back to a trot off my seat. She was perfect and I do not deny that without J we would never be here but I can't ignore where she is trying to take us.

I've had three lessons of this madness despite me trying to just get her to let me allow Katai to trot a little faster she litterally takes the reins out of my hands and walks along next to us expecting Katai to trot at her walking speed. This makes Katai try this tense, tiny prancy walk with no carriage and so much tension that she feels like she is going to snap but even beyond this if it were just Katai I would continue to put my trust in J. It's the fact that I've seen more and more of her students ride and almost every single horse is hollow, tense, prancy, and nervous. Not something I saw in the two months I took lessons before moving there but not something I'm going to ignore now.

To me, it's time to move and I have a few options. There are three serious dressage/eventing barns in the area and two barns that are very eclectic both with dressage trainers as well as western, english, jumper, hunter, etc. 

I have mixed feelings because the two eclectic barns are the cheapest but both have trails, indoor and outdoor arenas and instruction. One of the instructors is better than the other but that barn is WAY more crowded and busy and I'm just not sure its a good place to put Katai.

 One of the serious barns is home to a dressage trainer that is on the high performance list for the Olympics as well as an eventer that teaches dressage lessons. I would certainly not need lessons from the dressage instructor but having her available would make me feel like I could stay for the long term. I have actually asked to be on the wait list for pasture since it sounds like it could be a long time and that barn is closest to the location that I hope to move when I'm ready to move on at work.

The second of the more serious barns has a great eventing/hunter/jumper instructor that I've taken several lessons with but they only do stall board and I'm still not convinced that I'm ok with that plus the fact that just stall board is the same price as pasture + weekly lessons where I am now.

The third of the more serious barns is the one that I am leaning to the most strongly right now. I'm not sure if I blogged about it but I've taken a lesson with the instructor and I enjoyed it. It was more fun than lessons with J have been plus she does a lot of natural horsemanship and groundwork with her students. I'm sure she could and would help me with Katai's phobia of fly spray, clippers and help with getting her more relaxed for trailer loading. Those things would be far more valuable to me than continued dressage training at this point. Board, if there is pasture available, plus lessons would cost $5 more per month than I am paying now. Yes, $5. I think my budget can handle that. It's also only about 10 minutes further away and since most of my other choices are 20+ more minutes away it is one of the closest options as well.

I really did not want to be moving again or making this decision again. I wanted to stay at my current barn for years and I know some people who read this will think I'm jumping the gun but seriously, if you saw the way that she is starting to treat my pony paired with the attitudes of the other horses at the barn you would be jumping ship as well.