Exacerbated (long post feel free to skip)

While I know I haven’t done a good job of updating this blog this year I have still been reading all of the blogs I subscribe to. Reading a couple of posts recently made me want to post an update on what is going on more from my riding perspective and mind set than just a general update so here goes.

 I am, along with at least one other blogger, currently struggling with the move up to second level and really have been since last fall. At first it was because I was getting a lot of attitude from Katai as she also struggled with the new expectations but then it became more because we were consistently derailed. First by saddle fit, then ulcers, then SAD, then more saddle fit issues, then my anxiety, then a new boyfriend, then a new puppy, then the weather, then a barn move, then a longer drive, then more expensive lessons, then the weather again…

This weather? Making riding difficult? No that can't be...

 Yeah, so while I’m certainly struggling with moving to 2nd level that’s been exacerbated by all of the other things going on in my life. It is a two way street though and while I’ve shared a lot about all of the other things there is certainly a component of the barn and riding no longer feeling entirely like my happy place, at least not to the extent that it did. The question then is whether I’m going to let myself continue to be derailed and just not focus on riding as much as I have been or completely let the blog go but I don’t want to do either of those things and honestly my life wouldn’t be complete without horses and working toward some sort of riding accomplishments.

Delicious blueberry, spinach smoothies are one way
to make the high heat and humidity tolerable

 So what am I doing to fix it?

 When I stepped back and analyzed why I was really struggling a couple months ago I found that I’ve added the following:
An additional commute in the morning of 10-15 minutes
An additional commute in the evening of 20-50 minutes
An additional commute to the barn each way of at least 20 minutes
Additional time spent walking puppies (I used to be able to let Veggie out in the backyard) of 10-15 minutes 3-4 times per day
Additional time with my bf

 If you completely cut out the time with my bf that’s an additional hour – hour and 45 minutes for days I don’t go to the barn and an additional hour and 40 minutes to 2 hours and 15 minutes on days when I do go to the barn from how my schedule used to be. When you add in time with bf at home and time with bf doing events that pull me away from home that’s a considerable change from my previously quiet (but also lonely :) schedule.

Lots of days like this with huge thunderheads as our weather wildly swings

Having laid that out I feel less guilty for not being able to get to the barn as much or guilty for our lack of progress. Then when I look at budget as well and that is also tight. Moving into the new apartment, needing to pay for parking every day, boarding at a more expensive barn without lessons included, a new puppy, a new (used) car, needing/wanting to go out on dates with my bf… All of these things were items that I took into account but it still feels tighter than I want which is annoying. The tighter budget means fewer lessons and less ability to do shows and/or clinics.

 With looking at the above there are a lot of things that I can’t control but there are a couple of things that I can control and one of those is the barn where I’m boarding Katai. So yep, you guessed it, I’m moving again. The new barn is cheaper by a good bit, and much closer. I’ll easily save 30-50 minutes each time I go to the barn between the shorter drive and the setup of the barn. I found it through my horse network since, like Jane’s place, it doesn’t have any online presence. I’ll do a post specifically about the barn soon, I’m getting so good at them at this point..

One of the busy weekends spent up north with my bf and his family

I have a couple of other ideas as well to help take some pressure off and bf is amazing as always since after I figured this out we had a long positive and supportive conversation about doing a food prep and chores day together. That way we could both get stuff ready together for our busy weeks since not having food to eat has been one of the huge stressors I’ve been dealing with. We’ve also talked about leaving more weekends open so that we can just veg and hang out together or do our own thing (riding for me and climbing for him) vs. always having stuff scheduled.

 I really like this guy.

 There are a couple of other plans in the works to help with reducing my scheduled time but right now they’re just in the beginning stages so nothing I’m comfortable sharing yet. It is making me feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel though. Work has also gotten better in the last couple of weeks thanks to a shift in how our department workflows function and because we added some additional staff. I’m also receiving a promotion which is fantastic :) That all means that my stress should be far lower when I get home which will make for less need to veg and more ability to do the things I want to do.

Another busy weekend spent in NC with my bf for one of his friend's wedding

 As far as what I’m doing to help with my riding?

 I love my current trainer. She’s an amazing person and the tools she gave me to help with Katai’s ground work have made a significant difference. As long as I keep doing my homework I’m confident that next time I show I’ll have a much easier time getting through to Katai which was exactly what I hoped to gain from her. However, she has seemed to me to be uncomfortable helping me get to 2nd level and has encouraged me to clinic vs. taking dressage lessons with her. I truly appreciate her honesty, and, it’s then tough to feel like it makes sense to invest in many lessons with her.

At the new barn there is a dressage instructor that I follow on social media and who is riding at least a couple levels above me. In addition, there is another, locally well known, dressage instructor nearby who has a history of bringing riders up the levels. At this point I’m still comfortable mainly going it alone for a while both to help with my current level of burnout (weekly lessons just aren’t a thing I can do right now) and because we still really need to build strength more than anything else. However, being able to take a lesson a month or as needed to ensure we’re headed in the right directly would be amazing.

 Of course it’s also going to be extremely helpful to be so much closer to the barn. That will help reduce my burnout, increase my motivation to go, and make it easier to get there even when I have more limited time. More than anything I need to get back into a 5 day routine since Katai is not doing well on the 2-3 days a week that I’ve been managing for the past couple of crazy months. So, I finally feel like I have at least the beginning of a plan in place.

Hopefully the reduction in stress and increase in available time will mean I can increase my blogging as well but my first goal is to get my riding back to where it needs to be and then hopefully the blogging will follow!

2017 Year in Review: Part the Second

Meeting the famous Connor at NDPC

July

July started with a quite week where I did some prep for Pony Cup. I complained about the heat and recapped NDPC here and here which included meeting Jen and Emilie. I posted about starting "boot camp" with a short amount of time to prep for our next show. The I rounded out the month by posting some confirmation progress photos and sharing some of the photos from my LONG, unexpected 2 week work trip and also did some more complaining about work travel.

August

I started August still on the West Coast but jumped right back into lessons and shared my first lesson recap in a few weeks. Then I posted a thoughtful post about the things I was spending more or less time on. Then we started talking about prep for 2nd level, posted my 500th Post, I rounded out the month by posting our first 1st level recap! 

September

September started my downward trend in motivation to blog and ride. It also marked my 1 year anniversary of riding with Jane. This was followed by a post about my trip out to see Carly and Bobby. I was so glad that I got to meet him this year but it did make it that much sadder when Carly lost him. Then I shared about my farrier drama which really started my downturn in riding. Just as Katai's feet finally got trimmed I sent out my saddle to be adjusted which I whined about. I ended the month with a trip to watch a friend's lesson and then sharing some exciting news!

5 year anniversary/birthday treats

October

In a lot of ways it seems like October was just yesterday. I can't believe it's already 2018! I started the month posting about my 5 year anniversary with Katai :) Then I posted another tough lesson recap,  and an exciting post about having my friends join me. Finally I ended the month with another tough lesson.

November

I really fell off the wagon with blogging in November with only 5 posts for the whole month. I started off by trying to diagnose what had caused her to be so difficult over the previous week or two. Then I hurt my back and shared puppy pictures, and finally shared a lesson recap.

Moshy joined the family and thought
working from home was exhausting

December

Was just as bad as November posting wise. I didn't even post anything until the middle of December where I started with a catchup post about where I'd been, puppy, and a second update post about black Friday shopping. Finally I shared a post recapping my lessons over the past couple of months and then posted these yearly recap posts.

Hopefully I'm back on track and will be able to make my blogging goals for 2018!

All The Mares

                         
                         
Oh my goodness I've been bad at blogging this month. Last year it was my seasonal depression, this year it's just that I've been enjoying the fall weather, getting chores done, and enjoying some down time after all the travel this year.

I've worked my way back up to riding 4-5 times a week and had a couple of make up lessons so I think we're back on track. I had a couple of amazing rides last week and then a decent ride on Monday this week. Tuesday evening I had a lesson with Jane that was sort of meh. Honestly I think we're in for lots of meh rides and lessons right now since we're really starting to change things up for both Katai any myself.

Whole bunch of new lights in the arena <3

For my lesson we started with a square of turn on the haunches. I struggled with keeping the correct bend and Katai didn't want to stay in front of my leg. It's the first time we've done them beyond really just basically introducing them to her so we just need some more practice.

                            
                                                Now if only her owner could help her stay in balance and 
                                                     still change the bend so she doesn't trip and/or loose the big stride

Then we did some warm up at the trot with some leg yields. Despite originally feeling like we were NEVER going to be able to properly do a leg yield they're looking pretty sharp now :) They still need to be able to have a bit more angle when I ask and she doesn't love to cross over with one hind. Each time though that hind leg but that seems to change. I'm not sure if it's because she's fairly ambidextrous or if there's something else going on from a riding perspective.

Old vs. new stall fronts

After that we went right into canter and that's where the wheels fell off a bit. Recently Katai has been REALLY good. She still almost never has a tantrum but that evening she got as close as she has recently. She was really just very jazzed up and didn't want to stop cantering dammit! When I would cue for trot she'd take one trot step and then go right back to a canter and refuse to go back to trot. She wasn't a run away and was taking direction well but she just didn't want to change back to trot.

                       

Practicing our counter canter

We took our time with it and got a few good transitions in either direction but also something we need to work more on. After when Jane and I had a chance to debrief she mentioned that it's likely that we're just asking for so much more and changing how we're asking (we were asking her to keep her pole up more at the canter) that she just didn't quite understand and wanted to run.

New fencing being installed

Then we worked on trot a bit more and did a bunch of SI. That was fantastic and we're both really starting to get it. There were still more moments where she was sucked back and tight through her back than there have been but we had a few magical moments and I was able to identify part of the problem when we switched to the second direction.

Hot water!!!

Wednesday she had off and then I was going to ride today but she ended up having her feet trimmed. My previous farrier would just show up every 6 weeks, trim them without me there and then bill me or I'd keep track and leave him a check. This farrier, who's amazing and used to be president of our farrier society, really wants me there. I do actually appreciate that but unfortunately the last two times have been during the morning on busy work days. This morning I sort of somehow made it work with lots of phone meetings in the car but it's far from ideal. Also because of that since I just can't justify driving that distance twice in one day it meant that she won't be ridden (also ok since I'd rather give her a day off after a trim).

Also this is exactly what my farrier looks like, complete with mustache and tattoos.
He actually used to be a body builder and he's in his 70s now.
He's a really interesting guy and his son actually dances with a big dance company in NY.

Hopefully she won't be tender tomorrow and I'll be able to ride again!

Also, in other updates at least a couple of my friends are moving!!!!! I know that two of them gave their 30 day notice at the start of October so they'll be moving in on November 1st :) I'm so happy and can't wait to have more boarders at the barn. I haven't heard from the third person but at this point I still think she may be moving as well. All three of them have mares and it's all mares at the barn now so we'll be full up on sassy females.

The sad part is that I may need to consolidate my tack a bit.
Possibly having three saddle racks to myself isn't very fair ;)

Tough Stuff

I’m finally starting to feel caught up in life a little after being out of town and sick for so long. I’m slowly catching up on the “non-essential” part of my life such as this blog so expect more content soon!

In the meantime I wanted to share my rides last week because it’s been an interesting roller coaster ride over the past month. Katai hadn’t been wanting to play either in or out of the sandbox after her adjustment for the first few rides. I don’t blame her, she’d just had a great vacation and prior to that had likely been in some pain so riding was just not at the top of her list of favorable activities.

However, that changed on Friday when we had an epic ride. The pony I had for my ride that night is the pony that I’ll have consistently in 3-4 years. She was so balanced and was allowing me complete control of her shoulders. She was relaxed and forward and really listening to my leg rather than just reacting. She was so balanced that I was able to ask her to do anything and she just quietly maintained contact and the same energy. Her transitions within gaits were on point. It was the most amazing and addictive feeling I've experienced so far in my time riding dressage.

I was so impressed with her that I did a small amount of walk, a bit of trot and canter in each direction and then called it quits. It was really spectacular and I didn’t want to push her past her willingness to work that night so we ended on a high note.

Saturday our heat index was in the 100s with +70% humidity that made me drip sweat just getting Katai tacked up. I hadn’t planned on doing much but the high humidity decided me and so I just lunged briefly at walk, trot, and canter and finished up before I got her sweaty at all. She got fly sprayed and put in her nice cool stall still bright eyed and bushy tailed. What I was really thrilled with was the relaxed forward energy that Katai had even on the lunge. Her trot was awesome, floaty, and just so relaxed through the back and her canter was spectacular.

We’ve had a tough month together and I’m truly looking forward to continuing this type of quality into July which I’m sure will be a better month for us!

Making Plans: Lesson Recap 9/27

So sorry for being such a bad blogger recently. I'm still trying to figure out my schedule and we are understaffed at work so there's no way that I have the time to blog from there. I've been riding consistently five days per week and doing a great job of sticking to my schedule. I'm especially proud this week since I got almost got derailed by a migraine on Wednesday and still managed to get five rides in! With those five rides, dates, and doing adult things like buying groceries and cooking food so that I don't have to eat out all the time I feel like I've got very little time. Now I just need to get a blogging schedule figured out around my riding :-)

The good news about all of this is that we are making real, actual, tangible progress.

For so long I've felt like we are on the struggle bus and yes, making some improvements such as that pony stopped rearing, but not much that was really visible to most people watching. It's part of why I haven't posted video because honestly it's just been making me feel fucking depressed.

(Pictures are good moments from the bad video)

I was feeling especially bad about myself after a crummy ride on Thursday where after Katai's extra day off and having stayed in all day due to rain she was stiff and just not wanting to move. Of course I'd chosen to video myself that day and so the resulting video made me feel like giving up.

For about two hours.

And then I moved on and really looked at what was happening on the video. I watched it through, cringing, but thought about what L would have been saying as I was riding if it were in a lesson and I realized that while I've been thinking I've "got" certain things down it's just that they've improved. They aren't actually to where I thought they were yet but I actually do have the tools to get us there.

With that analysis I went to the barn the next day and really RODE my horse. Every step I chose what we were doing and kept making instant, small, gentle corrections. Every time I felt her just barely beginning to get hollow I'd make a small correction and bring her back before we were at the head flinging in the air stage. I kept her bent, I kept her at the same speed, and I kept her back up and I had a sort of epiphany that when I'm always letting her change her balance she never is balanced and that makes her feel panicky and like racing around. If instead I'm more firm about her staying the same balance she can get comfortable there.

Part of this is that I was riding more this way about 6 months ago but I was doing it in a very strong, forceful way and that was pissing Katai off. She also didn't have the skills or strength to go there at that point so it was just making her more upset and defensive. In some ways I've actually needed to get to a point where I was riding less and letting her do more as she developed that strength for us to be able to get back here but we are definitely at a point where I should be riding more consciously now.

Today for my lesson I planned ahead and got to the barn with plenty of time. At one point I was trying to keep my warm up to a minimum because Katai was getting tired by the end of the lesson and I didn't want to push it even longer. Now though she is getting to a point where I can have her warmed up before my lesson and able to start right in on more difficult stuff. When L showed up she was really impressed and started off saying how amazing Katai looked. She let us go for a little while and then said that we were looking so good that she wanted to start working on lateral work! Yay!!! She also decided that we were doing so well that she didn't want to climb on for this lesson.

For most of the lesson we worked on getting my body in the correct position for spirals in and out. She doesn't want me cheating anymore and steering her or pushing her in with my leg and wants it to properly come more from my body. Then we took those skills and used them to help me cue the canter correctly on the spiral while on the way out to the edge of the circle. Going to the right I had a tough time and that is also Katai's tough side for canter. One time I even had my body so perfectly wrong that she instantly picked up the counter canter. We did get two good transitions that way though and then I got two great ones in the other direction and we called it quits so that my amazing progress pony could get a break before she started feeling to fatigued.

One of the best parts of the lesson for me, other than a perfect left lead canter depart that had L grinning from ear to ear, was that after watching us for a few minutes at the beginning of our lesson she said that if she keeps going like this we could start out showing training next year and dabble at first!!! She said that Katai would be in a great place compared to some rated tests that she's seen at training level as long as we can continue to make improvements in a couple of areas. I've got homework, namely not allowing Katai to throw my weight to the outside of the circle and to practice picking her up at the walk and then giving her the rein again. She wants me to do this a lot so that it no longer offends princess pony and she just expects that its part of the routine.

I really thought I was going to be starting out at intro at a schooling show and maybe possibly doing a training level test at the end of the year. Training with a possible Level 1 test at the end of the year is more than I even thought we could accomplish next year but with how she is feeling I have complete confidence that as long as the wheels don't fall off the wagon before then we'll be able to do it!