COVID Horse Life Update Part Two

I also picked up some pretty new things on sale from our local tack shop.
I'm doing what I can to #shopsmall and support our local businesses right now.

I feel like everything in life right now requires a difficult decision. Even going out for a run, I need to pick a route that I think won't have too many people and constantly watch and be alert to dodge people as I go while also watching for traffic and lumps or bumps in the sidewalk so I don't hurt myself. It's uncomfortable and tough to zone out and just run.

My anxiety has made shopping difficult because people aren't good at following rules so it's almost impossible to avoid coming within 6' of someone at the store as everyone mills around. That's with MN taking this pretty seriously and doing a good job social distancing overall so far. I can't imagine what it would be like in a place where it wasn't being taken as seriously.

Nothing has felt like a more difficult decision than horse stuff though. Being completely blunt, my options were to stay, cross my fingers, and hope that the barn opens to some extent or the communication gets better or go and have to deal with all of the ickiness that is trying to move a horse during this quarantine while leaving my current barn family at this time.

Not any sort of official advice but cute and funny and still good things to consider.

I knew if I moved that some people would feel like I had moved just so I could ride my horse. We're all in this together and I understand that many people can't ride or see their horse right now. I also knew that I couldn't make the decision based on other's opinions. As horse owners we are all responsible for our own horse, ourselves, and for doing the best that we can for each of them. Sometimes we're going to mess up and look back and wish we had done things differently, sometimes we're going to get it exactly right, and sometimes it's going to be somewhere in the middle.

I'm incredibly anti risk. I'm not an adrenaline junky, I drive at or below the speed limit, I lunge if Katai seems anxious or especially high energy, and with this quarantine I'm staying 99% home with my boyfriend and only ordering food because other than a handful of times that we've needed to leave over the last month+ for truly essential purchases I don't want to leave the house. We've purchased masks (from Equifit actually :), found some hand sanitizer that I've ordered, and are carefully following the science as far as social distancing (those few times we go out), hand washing, and washing/disinfecting our groceries as appropriate. With that, while I'm tempted to just completely hide at home until this passes, none of us can or should completely stop our lives for the next 18+ months. That certainly has its own dangers including, for many of us, mental health decline. Instead, I believe in following the science, reducing risk to the smallest possible amount, and following all guidance in things like our Stay at Home order.

Also taking full advantage of every dressage learning opportunity include this webinar series that Meghan from
A Enter Spooking has put together!

I'm exhausted from all of the decision making and at first just buried my head in the sand and waited it out. However, I also knew that with our current peak expected around the end of June-mid August and the likelihood of additional waves following that, this concern I have about my barn isn't just going to go away in the next month. My boyfriend and I have had a long talk about horse and barn options since we've found that he's not as high risk as was originally thought. So, as we move forward and find out about the next steps for both our stay at home order and any updates from the science community on what we should all be doing we're also moving forward in appropriate ways.

I've considered a bunch of options and have some plans that I'm working to finalize. My BF is working to build an at home climbing wall and we're going to continue to stay 100% at home for the time being.

Routine

In true pony style she took off a bunch of skin
and never was off and didn't swell at all

One of the things I’ve really struggled with over the past year+ is finding a routine that works. In some ways my relationship with my bf is my first “real” relationship which makes me sort of think of the high school aged girls who first start dating and then drop riding and horses because boys are taking up all their time.

Luckily we’re not teenagers and horses will always be a major component of my life but with that it was still important for me to take a step back with horse things this year to figure out relationship and boyfriend things. However, it’s time to get back to it more fully. Just as a disclaimer, my bf has never asked me to step away from horse things. He’s continued his hobbies and encouraged me to continue mine. He’s made sacrifices so that I can go to the barn and routinely encourages me to go if I’m having a day where I don’t feel like it. The step back was entirely prompted by me.

With that it’s the routine that I need to tackle first. When it was just me I had tons of flexibility and if I skipped one evening, because I just didn’t feel like it for example, I could go the next. Now I have more plans and commitments so just swapping days around doesn’t work. I also have less down time just on my own to lay on the couch and recuperate (because of previously mentioned additional commitments) so I needed to be more thoughtful about giving myself easy down time.

I’ve been putting a lot of thought into it and came up with a solid schedule for the next 1-2 months to ease back into things and to help build Katai and my strength.

Our barn is right under a flight path. This military plane was 

making a weird sound to me but clearly she's not surprised 

Monday – Off
Tuesday – Ride or Lunge – Riding preferred but if I’m just not feeling it I still need to go to the barn and lunge Katai.
Wednesday – Off – my bf and I do chores like food prep and cleaning on Wednesday.
Thursday – Lunge or Ride – Lunging preferred for now since we’re working to build strength. This will eventually likely be an additional riding day.
Friday – pony spa day – For now this is more of a chore day than spa day but I like calling it spa day better.
Saturday – Riding Day – This is a true “work” day.
Sunday – this has been dubbed Adventure Day! – This will be a day where we trail ride, work on trailer loading, go for hand walks outside, and basically address training holes in a fun way.

This plan means that for now the toughest evening day is Tuesday just because riding takes some additional work beyond lunging etc. Otherwise everything is really low key and stress free on the weekdays and I can flex them all around as needed if I end up with plans on a night other than a Monday or Wednesday. My main work days are Saturday and Sunday which are interchangeable and if, for example, someone wants to go on a trail ride on Saturday I’ll swap the two.

It's tough to get pony chores done when there's so much cuteness

Once we get into October my plan is to increase the days that she’s working by riding on Thursday and lunging on Friday in addition to spa day. I’ll also put even more focus into trying to do riding work on our Adventure Day! vs. the in hand work that we might be focusing more on currently. Once there I’ll assess and see if there are other changes that I’d like to make as we get closer to the end of the year. I do not plan to do weekly lessons again, at least on a regular basis, but do want to take regular lessons. My preference right now is monthly but I’ll see how things feel once we’re back doing more work on a consistent basis.

I’m going to be doing a series of short posts outlining in more detail what I’m doing each day and why just because I think it will be fun! Stay tuned for more posts over the next couple of weeks 

Dancing in the Rain

I have one quote at my work desk that says “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” – Unknown

This has felt like it’s embodied what’s going on with my life over the past year and thankfully I have been learning how to dance in the rain. 0/10 do not recommend all of the life changing things happening at once (even if they’re positive) but I am so so so lucky to have so many amazing things going on in my life.

Not a great photo but I went to a helmet trade in day and finally got a long oval 1K in rose gold.
I <3 it

The new job is awesome, I’m really enjoying being here. It has been a little tough to face the change in work, even though other change has quieted down. I enjoy learning and taking on new things but when everything in my life feels new and I have more questions than answers it’s tough to hold on to my self-confidence.

The house savings is also going well. We’re still on track to be able to afford the friend’s house next spring/summer and we’re both cautiously optimistic and starting to plan for being there next year. I’m continuing to really stick to my budget and money things feel better than ever. Of course getting a job where I’m making more certainly helps but even with that I haven’t splurged or really changed my spending habits and almost all of the additional money is going towards the house.

Other things in my life have been more stable and things with me and my bf continue to be awesome. He’s an amazing person and so supportive of me including challenging me when he thinks he should which I SO appreciate. The most recent thing has been with my current barn. I’ve felt like I’m doing ok but I must be complaining/expressing more than I thought because he started to slowly and gently push me to look at other options. What was in my mind was to wait until we have the house and then move Katai but when I went to a friend’s barn and spoke positively about it he asked about it and then when I actually started to consider moving there he encouraged me to at least really consider it. Sure enough I’m moving and I’m so thrilled and can’t wait.

Doing DnD prep at the cabin a few weeks back.

The new barn is heated and has a heated indoor connected to the barn. Unfortunately I can’t take on any additional cost right now so while the stalls in that barn are amazingly affordable and beautiful (I’m seriously considering just staying here and trailering to the waitlist barn for lessons) I needed to move to pasture for now. I’ll be saving a small amount of money a month but will have to figure out how to get Katai her supplements on a regular basis. Since we’re moving there early September the pastures shouldn’t be overly rich so that will be ok diet wise. Then by next summer when the grass is starting to come up my hope is to move her into a stall. If for some reason I can’t get her a stall because of budget things she’ll just get a grazing muzzle until I can.

Living by this recently

After a few recent “incidents” at the current barn that left me fuming (which is unusual for me) it’s definitely time to leave. I’m also really glad that I’ll have heat this winter since I feel like I especially struggled with not being able to ride consistently during the winter because of the cold this past year. The current barn is just no longer my sanctuary and looking at moving has made me realize how long I’ve felt like I’m walking on egg shells there. At all of my past barns I’ve been excited when I’ve seen other vehicles in the parking lot and know that there’s someone else to ride with. At this barn if there’s a car in the parking lot I start to feel anxious and consider just leaving and coming back another day. That’s not ok.

What I know about the new barn:
-Katai will be on pasture board with other mares
-They do not feed supplements to pasture horses so I’ll have to figure that out. I think I’ll be ok as long as I can go out 5 days a week but will be figuring out a backup plan if I can’t or if I’m out of town or something.
-The barn that I’ll have my tack and equipment in and where I’ll groom and tack up is heated and connected to the heated indoor
-The barn is adorable and has several stalls. It’s fairly small and really nice. My hope is to get a stall in this barn next year.
-The indoor is fairly small but bigger than what I have now (I think it is at the very least wider but it’s tough to tell without measuring it) at around 60-130 feet so just under regulation small dressage size. It sounds like the footing is slightly deep but based on what I saw I wasn’t worried about it
-There is a much larger outdoor that’s in an awesome and beautiful location. Apparently the footing there is even nicer than the indoor.
-L (the trainer I worked with before Jane) teaches my friend at this barn so will be available for lessons. With my current budget and how out of shape Katai and I are I likely won’t take many lessons at first but it will be AWESOME to have a trainer again.
-My awesome friend boards here (of course since that’s how I found it ) and is the one who took the really nice pictures of Katai and me at the shows we’ve attended. She also rides dressage, takes lessons from L, and shows occasionally. Plus she trail rides a ton so will be a good trail buddy.
-The barn is directly across from a large park system with lots of horse trails so I’ll have trails very available to me. I’m looking forward to getting Katai more exposure in that environment

2018 Year in Review

I'm going with a full, wordy, review of 2018 and I'm going to fit it all in one post. Never fear, I analyzed the year as a whole vs. recapping posts so there is some new information here and at least one picture I took for each month I'm recapping. Hopefully the media will get you through this long post!

Pretty weather but a really tough month for us

January:

In general this year was tough riding wise and it really all started last winter. January was a continuation on that and I only ended up with one lesson despite typically taking them weekly with Jane. I was dealing with SADD and anxiety and Katai was dealing with saddle fit, ulcers, and too much energy from not being able to work because of the other two. The happy things going on were that I was dating someone amazing, had an adorable baby puppy, and was looking forward to moving out of my grandma’s house and into my own apartment.

Pony was doubtful and I was enthusiastic. This was during the period of time where we were
 pretty much always at odds with each other

February:

I posted a grand total of 2 times and didn’t even get my saddle shipped out to be resized until early February. By the end of February I had my saddle back and had managed to fit in a couple of lessons but Katai was still full of energy and probably ulcery. I had also moved and was dealing with awful weather. Personal things remained awesome, other than some awful depression and anxiety that came from the move and living in chaos for a while, but pony things still weren’t going well.

Pretty tail, also one of my last photos at Jane's barn *sadface*

March:

March continued to be a struggle. The weather was awful, Katai was naughty and overly full of energy still. I also had my car break down and ended up replacing it which ate up my trailer savings. That was the final straw for me and I decided that I needed to move somewhere that could consistently trailer me to shows, having onsite clinics etc, so that I could have more opportunities. Plus I found out that Jane was selling her farm. I was also still dealing with the transition of moving into a major city that I wasn’t familiar with and was feeling a bit trapped (although I didn’t realize that until later) and needing to figure out how to manage my rescue dog who was having major anxiety and leash aggression issues that I didn’t post much about.

I did actually ride occasionally. You can also see in Katai's expression how much she hated this place.
This was her constant look whenever I had her in the barn.

April:

April was my highest posting month this year with a grand total of 8 posts. Less than half of the amount I was posting in 2017. I moved to the barn in WI and was, at the time, thinking I’d have a show in May which was exciting. The weather continued to do it’s best to defeat me and I was already struggling with figuring out how to get to the barn with all the snow and ice. I posted about my show plans for the year *sadface*, dealt with two fairly significant snow storms, and went to OH for work. Then I was very sick when I got back which just continued making it difficult to be consistent with rides.

 

Getting ready to interview for a new job. Thankfully my boss at the time found out and then changed up my work to make it more sustainable so I ended up staying.

May:

I almost entirely ended up missing May but posted three times right toward the end of the month. The weather had suddenly gotten unseasonably hot and because of pony behavior things we decided we needed to skip the May show. I then realized that I wasn’t going to be able to go to the June show because of previous plans to go to NC with my bf for a wedding. Unbeknownst to me at the time that caused a chain effect of the serious dressage crew at the barn, including my trainer at the time, to lose all faith in me and push me out of their clique. I was learning some great things from S2 especially around how to handle Katai on the ground when she checked out. Partially I was needing to learn this because Katai was ALWAYS checked out at this barn. I’m still not sure of the cause but she hasn’t had such consistently negative (anxious) behavior anywhere else which is suspicious in retrospect. I was also sick for a week or so again.

Pretty sure we make a weird perfect team

June:

The highlight of my riding year (accomplishment wise) was riding for Kristi Wysocki in a clinic and having her give me very little advice (based on riding and showing at 1^st level) when I knew going in that she’s really tough. It definitely gave me confidence that 2^nd level is in our grasp. I also got to bring Moshy to spectate at a dressage show and she was amazing! It was so much fun and I can’t wait to do more of this in 2019.

Riding blind, only a well trained dressage horse could
be so on the aids that they don't need to see right? *snorts*

July:

After only posting early in June I didn’t post again until late July and only got a few posts in. I had diagnosed many of the things that I had been struggling with so far this year and had a plan including moving to a new barn since I had realized that I had overextended myself commute time wise. Something I wasn’t posting about at the time is how much worse the people at the WI barn were making things for me since I was being actively pushed out. I wasn’t sharing because I hate adding in any way to barn drama. Plus my mental health was pretty fragile this year so I was having a tough time not feeling that it was deserved it despite literally doing nothing that should have caused ANY negative feelings from anyone at the barn.

Very few pony pictures were taken in August so enjoy a puppy instead

August:

August was a big transition month and when things actually started to slightly start to look up to me for the first time in over 9 months. I moved Katai in the middle of the month and cut my commute to the barn more than in half. Bf and I also decided moving in together was officially a thing and found an apartment at the end of August. Katai spent most of July and then August entirely off work which set us way back especially since I hadn’t been at all consistent prior to that since back in November/December.

Saying goodby to my cute little apartment
(and the amazing view lol)

Finally in the arena after all that time off even if we weren't riding much yet 

September: 

I didn’t post a single thing in September. Instead I spent the month moving myself and the bf into the new apartment, being really sick (again!), and starting to slowly work toward more time at the barn with Katai.

I can tell I was starting to feel better in October because I took way more pictures

She's perfected the mare glare

 October:

Things really started looking up this month which is funny since typically it’s October/November when I really start to suffer with seasonal depression. Kinda tells you how rough the rest of the year was for me. At any rate, I actually started to be consistent with barn time and was meeting my goals for October. I also posted a bit more about the apartment move and my new tack storage and shared new goals for the rest of the year, did some shopping, and got more media posted.

November:

Despite only posting two times I was doing so much better and averaged 5 times per week at the barn which was a combination mainly of lunging and riding. I was starting to get my position back a bit and Katai was starting to be more consistently cooperative for the first time in over a year. I shared a general update of stuff I hadn’t posted over the past year and reviewed my updated goals which were going well.

Starting to get better at our selfie game

December:

Things have officially been feeling way better and like the worst of whatever the universe was trying to throw at me is over. In December I pretty much posted about shopping (lol) but despite a real lack of any riding content I’ve continued to be really consistent up until this past week or so but I blame that on the holidays. Mainly I’m so looking forward to 2019 and having a way better year in every way.

I’m aware how quiet things have been this year and I apologize for the negative tone in the blog. It truly just has been a year where I kept getting kicked when I was down even with small things. To top that off I was really struggling with anxiety and depression in a way I never have. I’ve tried to keep some of that out of the blog since it’s just not helpful but to still be decently transparent. Saying this isn’t to diminish the amazing things that happened at the end of last year including my relationship with one of the most amazing people I’ve met, moving in with him, my amazing puppy, and my incredible pony. Thank goodness for my amazing bf and his ability to support me through this really tough year because I don’t quite know what would have happened this year without his support. Mostly though I’m looking forward to a fresh start this next year where we can have more fun together, I can accomplish more of my goals (which are mainly riding goals lets be honest) and where I just don’t have so much stress in my life.

Enforced Down Time

Well, after posting “all” of those posts there were even more life changes and a timeline that changed slightly so things have been really busy again away from the barn.

 Katai is still doing well but I’ve been maybe seeing her 1-2 times per week at this point. As July was coming to a close I decided that for a few reasons, during the month of August I was going to just coast and only go to the barn if I felt like it and/or to make sure she has everything she needs. Luckily with full care board at an amazing facility that’s ok and while I still feel guilty about it I don’t feel as guilty as I thought I might. I think I really needed this “vacation” from riding. It’s been something I’ve put my whole heart into for the past 5 years or so without really significant breaks so this has been nice and refreshing.

 Also, since Katai will be in quarantine for the second half of the month and I’ll be unable to ride or work her it seemed silly to try to get her back in shape for two weeks only to have her lose that conditioning while she’s standing around for two weeks. As of now Katai is at the new barn and in quarantine but that’s for a different post.

 The life changes are really exciting however :) As I mentioned previously other things were in the works to help with the overwhelmed feeling. One was moving Katai closer, another that happened to come up was the work change/promotion that significantly reduced my stress, the third is that my bf and I were starting to talk about moving in.

Tiny sleepy fox puppy

Initially it was going to occur next spring to coincide with the end of the lease I signed but the more we talked about it the more we felt that actually moving before winter was ideally the way to go. We moved up our plans to look at apartments while keeping in the back of our mind that we may still need to wait until next spring. We looked at a couple of meh places and then we saw two that we really liked that checked all of the boxes. After some debate we ended up with a favorite and went ahead and signed the lease to start moving in September!!

My bf will have until the end of October to move and I’m working to finalize a sub leaser who will likely want to move in mid-September. Talk about stressful with moving myself and pony twice this year! However, both moves are going to significantly reduce my bf and my stress and open up a bunch of time that we haven’t had which is much needed. I’m also just so thrilled and excited to move in with this amazing person I love.

Vegan tacos!!!!

At any rate moving for me will likely occur during the first week of September right as Katai gets out of quarantine. To help I did take the full week off instead of just Labor day so hopefully that allows me time for both getting Katai back into work and for moving. I will post a brief update of the move to the barn and I’m hoping to do a mini barn tour this week. Otherwise the blog will likely be pretty quiet until all of the moving is completed. Hopefully at that point I’ll be refreshed and rested from pony stuff and ready to start this blog back up in ernest!

All The Changes - Mindset

This is less a post about mindset and more of a post just listing some of the really positive things going on in my life right now since so many of my recent posts have been pretty overwhelmingly negative.

The BF

Not too surprisingly he's one of the shining beacons in my life right now. Being with him is everything I hoped a relationship would be (both the amazing and the tough) and more. He's supportive while also pushing me to be the best version of myself and he appreciates when I do the same for him as well.

Stopped at a light today I took this picture
of the place where we had our third date <3

New Barn

Not necessarily excited about the move but I am so, so, so excited to be closer which will help improve my motivation, and therefore how often I make it out there, and therefore how positive I feel about life :)

The Puppy

I've always loved and always will love Veggie but there's just something different about Moshy who's my little puppy soulmate. She is everything that I've ever wanted in a pet. She's just chill about everything and very calm, dainty, and sweet in a way that none of my other pets have been. I am all about rescuing animals and all of my other animals have always been rescues and I will absolutely rescue again but picking out the exact puppy, and breed I wanted means that she is just perfect for me.

Cleaning her tiny paws

 Media

I've still been watching through the Robert Dover clinics for tidbits to work on but in addition I discovered Oliva Tower's Dressage Youtube Channel. She's humble, funny, down to earth, and shares both the good and bad. She struggles/struggled with mindset so it's really enjoyable and motivating to watch her work to improve. I highly recommend all of her videos but the two below are some of my favorites.

Work Right Now

Work certainly wasn't one of the things on this list for a long time but thanks to an amazing manager who honestly asked for my feedback which gave my the ability to share how I was feeling some changes have been made which resulted in a promotion for me as well as a change in workflow. That has removed one of the most repetitive parts of my job and freed up time for me and my coworkers to actually get all of our work done and work on improving projects vs. just constantly struggling to keep our heads above water.

She also really heard me on not wanting to travel as much with some of the stuff I have going on in my life right now which means I haven't traveled since early this year which has been a nice break. I enjoy the travel and am looking forward to getting out to WA again but it's been really nice having a quieter year this year.

Exacerbated (long post feel free to skip)

While I know I haven’t done a good job of updating this blog this year I have still been reading all of the blogs I subscribe to. Reading a couple of posts recently made me want to post an update on what is going on more from my riding perspective and mind set than just a general update so here goes.

 I am, along with at least one other blogger, currently struggling with the move up to second level and really have been since last fall. At first it was because I was getting a lot of attitude from Katai as she also struggled with the new expectations but then it became more because we were consistently derailed. First by saddle fit, then ulcers, then SAD, then more saddle fit issues, then my anxiety, then a new boyfriend, then a new puppy, then the weather, then a barn move, then a longer drive, then more expensive lessons, then the weather again…

This weather? Making riding difficult? No that can't be...

 Yeah, so while I’m certainly struggling with moving to 2nd level that’s been exacerbated by all of the other things going on in my life. It is a two way street though and while I’ve shared a lot about all of the other things there is certainly a component of the barn and riding no longer feeling entirely like my happy place, at least not to the extent that it did. The question then is whether I’m going to let myself continue to be derailed and just not focus on riding as much as I have been or completely let the blog go but I don’t want to do either of those things and honestly my life wouldn’t be complete without horses and working toward some sort of riding accomplishments.

Delicious blueberry, spinach smoothies are one way
to make the high heat and humidity tolerable

 So what am I doing to fix it?

 When I stepped back and analyzed why I was really struggling a couple months ago I found that I’ve added the following:
An additional commute in the morning of 10-15 minutes
An additional commute in the evening of 20-50 minutes
An additional commute to the barn each way of at least 20 minutes
Additional time spent walking puppies (I used to be able to let Veggie out in the backyard) of 10-15 minutes 3-4 times per day
Additional time with my bf

 If you completely cut out the time with my bf that’s an additional hour – hour and 45 minutes for days I don’t go to the barn and an additional hour and 40 minutes to 2 hours and 15 minutes on days when I do go to the barn from how my schedule used to be. When you add in time with bf at home and time with bf doing events that pull me away from home that’s a considerable change from my previously quiet (but also lonely :) schedule.

Lots of days like this with huge thunderheads as our weather wildly swings

Having laid that out I feel less guilty for not being able to get to the barn as much or guilty for our lack of progress. Then when I look at budget as well and that is also tight. Moving into the new apartment, needing to pay for parking every day, boarding at a more expensive barn without lessons included, a new puppy, a new (used) car, needing/wanting to go out on dates with my bf… All of these things were items that I took into account but it still feels tighter than I want which is annoying. The tighter budget means fewer lessons and less ability to do shows and/or clinics.

 With looking at the above there are a lot of things that I can’t control but there are a couple of things that I can control and one of those is the barn where I’m boarding Katai. So yep, you guessed it, I’m moving again. The new barn is cheaper by a good bit, and much closer. I’ll easily save 30-50 minutes each time I go to the barn between the shorter drive and the setup of the barn. I found it through my horse network since, like Jane’s place, it doesn’t have any online presence. I’ll do a post specifically about the barn soon, I’m getting so good at them at this point..

One of the busy weekends spent up north with my bf and his family

I have a couple of other ideas as well to help take some pressure off and bf is amazing as always since after I figured this out we had a long positive and supportive conversation about doing a food prep and chores day together. That way we could both get stuff ready together for our busy weeks since not having food to eat has been one of the huge stressors I’ve been dealing with. We’ve also talked about leaving more weekends open so that we can just veg and hang out together or do our own thing (riding for me and climbing for him) vs. always having stuff scheduled.

 I really like this guy.

 There are a couple of other plans in the works to help with reducing my scheduled time but right now they’re just in the beginning stages so nothing I’m comfortable sharing yet. It is making me feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel though. Work has also gotten better in the last couple of weeks thanks to a shift in how our department workflows function and because we added some additional staff. I’m also receiving a promotion which is fantastic :) That all means that my stress should be far lower when I get home which will make for less need to veg and more ability to do the things I want to do.

Another busy weekend spent in NC with my bf for one of his friend's wedding

 As far as what I’m doing to help with my riding?

 I love my current trainer. She’s an amazing person and the tools she gave me to help with Katai’s ground work have made a significant difference. As long as I keep doing my homework I’m confident that next time I show I’ll have a much easier time getting through to Katai which was exactly what I hoped to gain from her. However, she has seemed to me to be uncomfortable helping me get to 2nd level and has encouraged me to clinic vs. taking dressage lessons with her. I truly appreciate her honesty, and, it’s then tough to feel like it makes sense to invest in many lessons with her.

At the new barn there is a dressage instructor that I follow on social media and who is riding at least a couple levels above me. In addition, there is another, locally well known, dressage instructor nearby who has a history of bringing riders up the levels. At this point I’m still comfortable mainly going it alone for a while both to help with my current level of burnout (weekly lessons just aren’t a thing I can do right now) and because we still really need to build strength more than anything else. However, being able to take a lesson a month or as needed to ensure we’re headed in the right directly would be amazing.

 Of course it’s also going to be extremely helpful to be so much closer to the barn. That will help reduce my burnout, increase my motivation to go, and make it easier to get there even when I have more limited time. More than anything I need to get back into a 5 day routine since Katai is not doing well on the 2-3 days a week that I’ve been managing for the past couple of crazy months. So, I finally feel like I have at least the beginning of a plan in place.

Hopefully the reduction in stress and increase in available time will mean I can increase my blogging as well but my first goal is to get my riding back to where it needs to be and then hopefully the blogging will follow!

Personal Updates

I’m starting here because while this is really a horse blog and also I don’t need to explain my absence. However, I personally kind of like getting to know all of you and try to strike a balance of only posting horse things but also sharing enough for this to not feel too impersonal. I'm also going to post a pony update on the same day so if you're only interested in that feel free to skip this post.

As mentioned previously there’s a lot going on in my life right now but this past month or so really took the cake as the craziest month I’ve had in a long time. To start off with, I moved into that new apartment I mentioned which not only meant moving all my stuff but also getting everything situated and starting to feel like I know where everything is again. Luckily I don’t have much stuff both because it makes moving easier and because the new apartment is tiny. However, I LOVE it. This is definitely my first real adult apartment and the first that really feels the way I’ve wanted it to. I still have a few more things to add or switch around but it’s getting close.

Then there is the bf who I’m head over heels about. He’s amazing and while he’s extremely supportive of me riding and spending lots of time at the barn, I’m also trying to strike a balance of spending enough time with him especially since this is still quite new. For the past few months I’ve been onboard for all of the plans which has really limited my availability to go to the barn. I’ve stayed away from the evenings that I typically ride but recently we’ll get a big snow storm on one of those evenings or my car will break down (more on that later) and suddenly I go from having 4-5 evenings to ride to 2 evenings to ride. This past week I let him know that I wasn’t going to make evening plans during the week for the next few months and was only going to do limited weekend things. He was completely on board and so far, for this past week or so, it’s been working out great. We’re still spending lots of time together just the two of us but aren’t doing the planned, set stuff so we have more flexibility to do the things we’re passionate about.

I even have a whole tack room closet!

Then there is the car. A couple of weekends ago now I was driving home from work on Friday evening and the steering wheel very strongly and mechanically turned right sharply twice. This was on top of a whole host of other minor electronic issues but was the final straw. I limped it home in stop and go traffic and then tearfully called the bf. He completely dropped all weekend plans and drove me around to several dealerships to shop for cars. I was emotional about spending money on something I didn’t really want (a car) when what I REALLY wanted this year was a trailer but I just couldn’t justify buying a truck with the amount of driving I do and my down payment savings needed to go to the car instead of a trailer. However, after much discussion (he’s a car guy and has a BMW M2) I ended up with a SmartCar. I LOVE this car so much and it’s probably the first time I’ve ever loved a car. I even got it WeatherTech mats so that it stays pretty and survives my mucky barn boots.

 

bf teased me that since it's a rear engine, rear wheel drive car,
that's branded from a german company (Mercedes-Benz)
that it's basically a Porsche.
Then I was behind this one at a stop light so needed a picture 

Finally there is puppy who actually has been easy compared to Veggie who’s struggling with some separation anxiety in the new place. Since I got him as a 2 year old he’s also always been fairly dog and kid aggressive which means that walks, that are now a necessity since I don’t have a back yard, have been tough as well. It’s been sad to see him struggle but we’re about 80% of the way there at this point. I don’t think that he’ll ever not be dog and kid aggressive but we’ve come up with some good management solutions and thank goodness he’s little so I can scoop him up if he’s really freaking out.

 

Going for big girl walks now that it's warmer out

With all of this going on I’ve only recently started to find a good balance and as part of that right now I’m happy when I’m getting to the barn 4 days a week. Of course a part of that is also just not feeling very motivated to spend even more time in the indoor arena right now and with our horrible weather this winter I just feel like I've taken a real beating motivation wise. I'm working on it though and hope to continue to do better over the next few weeks.