Couples Therapy: Stubborn Together Blog Hop

I’ve had this idea for the past couple of weeks but finally decided that I was curious enough to make it into a blog hop.

Basically, I’m curious what role your trainer/instructor plays in the partnership between you and your horse. I’m not talking about unicorns and the Black Stallion here, just good common sense instruction on how you work with and ride your horse beyond the technical aspects of dressage. Is it something they feel strongly about either way or something that they just don’t work with at all?

My experiences have been very interestingly different. When I started with J (not Jane, past instructor who I dislike) I was surprised at the amount of animosity that she approached riding and coaching with. Anytime the horse wasn’t immediately doing what the rider asked it was “giving them the middle hoof” and was being uncompliant. She used a lot of force and even when I would specifically tell her that I thought something was just physically or mentally tough for Katai or that Katai didn’t understand something she would brush it off and say that my pony did understand and just wasn’t listening.

Then I worked with L who had very similar feelings about that relationship/partnership that I do. At first she made a big impact because I was coming from J’s antagonistic approach but ultimately both L and I were kind and fair but removed from really engaging in that partnership. Both of us have lost animals, and in her case people, that we were very close to and I think it made it tougher for us to really connect and come at this topic from a loving place. Instead it was more of a kind, fair, but casual sort of feeling which is how I’d initially worked with Katai and my past horses.

Now with Jane that’s completely different. She is working a lot with me on the technical pieces but I feel like some of the work she’s doing with me that’s had the biggest impact is on my partnership with Katai and how I function in that partnership. Jane has been doing this for a long time and owned and trained a lot of horses but it doesn’t feel like she treats this like her job. While she’s extremely professional about it, she also acts more like a coach, or as my friend says about her instructor, she’s my Yoda. Everything from the terms that she uses, to the way that she teaches and how she expects me to make changes with Katai is different and I’m learning so much. She uses terms like “hug” when she refers to leg contact, or tells me to take time to get her flexed correctly on the side where it’s tougher for Katai. She also LOVES mares which is nice since I also love them but I’m realizing that I don’t always know the best way to train/ride them.

I can’t believe how much this has all impacted Katai and the way she is to ride. She’s gone from tense and dramatic to loose, stretchy, relaxed and thinking in the time between when I ended with J and now but the biggest change has been in the past month. It’s been an interesting and amazing journey and I can’t wait to see where we are in the next couple of years!

So, how does your current (or past) trainer manage the partnership/relationship between you and your horse(s)?

Real Deal: Lesson Recap 9/6

I had my first scheduled, normal lesson with Jane this past Tuesday and, no big surprise, it was AMAZING af. I'm going to list bullet points of the items we worked on since I feel like that's the best way for me to journal all of this and for me to not miss something. So, without further ado here is the massive list of what we're working on!

- My way of thinking about training/riding Katai is something that Jane has made big changes with. For some things, such as proper bend to the left, she wants me to realize that it's really difficult and probably uncomfortable for her. This has made me think very differently about how I ask for it and she wants me to give time for her to accept it rather than "making her" where for things without the same limitation I might expect a more immediate reaction. The other changes in my thinking are in thinking like my contact like a hug rather than an aid. I'm very demanding of myself and it's easy for me to be the same with Katai and not be as gentle and respectful of her as I should be. I'm really enjoying working with a coach that takes that into account.

- Leg contact is another big thing we are working on. Jane is insisting that Katai accept that contact right from the beginning of my ride and it's meant that she is way less resistant to it throughout my entire lesson. Again I'm focusing on the hug feeling and trying to keep it as pleasant as possible. She wants it to be pleasant most of the time and very gentle. No thumping her in the sides, no pushing her, no unpleasantness at all for right now. Firm yes but for the time being we're focusing on it being pleasant.

- We are also working on slowing me down. I function very quickly as a human being, I rush through a lot and have a tough time stopping and slowing down. I can be in the moment and still rushed but I've been trying to slow things down. I'm the same way with Katai which was made worse by the problem she had with rearing. I got used to feeling her suck back and having to really push her forward. However, that rushes her, makes her tense, and makes her feel like running away. Jane has been really emphasizing that even if she breaks into a walk its ok. It's ok, where are we going in such a hurry, why does she need to keep trotting, this is fun, it's a slow process and it can be a slow process and I need to just take a breath and slow down. I feel like she's good for my life in general and not just my riding :)

- She also found something that I've been unhappy about in my riding but never really knew what was causing it. I think we all feel like we look awkward when we see ourselves in videos and pictures but there's been this thing that seems off but that I can't really identify and Jane saw it the moment she saw me on a horse. She says that I perch when I'm riding particularly at the walk, but it effects my trotting as well. She wants me to really release my hips and sit down on Katai's back. This is really, really tough for me. Not that some of the things above aren't but with those I feel like I have moments where I REALLY get them and just need to make it more consistent, with this I feel like I kind of get it for a second or two but haven't been able to consistently get it when I'm trying.

- I also found out that I've clearly identified that we're still struggling with bend. With the help of the arena mirrors and Jane's coaching I was really able to see just how bad it is sometimes when it still looks good from above. We're at a point where Jane won't accept me not having Katai in the correct bend. Poor Jane needs to yell at me for it a lot but we're going to get better quick! Lot's of practice in our future.

- She's also making a couple of minor changes in my equipment. She loves my new saddle (I had my first lesson with her in back in July in my old saddle) but wants me to get regular fillis irons for the different feel they give and, I may have mentioned, that she wants me to use side reins instead of my neck stretcher because she doesn't like the way that the bungie pulls down on their poll. I still have my side reins but unfortunately I sold my old irons. Oh well, they'll be easy to pick up at a used tack sale!

Do Less, Ask for More

My camera randomly captured this when I was trying to set it up to take video.
Unfortunately it's all the media that I have from Thursday 

I feel like this summer has been more about figuring out myself, motivation, and how to train my horse than it's been about actually training my horse. With this being said I feel like we've been making lots of progress.

I've been slowly chipping away at my position and how it's effecting Katai. I've also been figuring out some of the small evasions that she's been throwing at me that I couldn't originally identify when I didn't have as much dressage riding knowledge. More importantly I've been figuring out how to deal with the correctly rather than just operating on feel alone where sometimes I make the problem worse.

The problem is that sometimes this has been feeling more philosophical than actually like something I can take action on. Thursday felt like the first time in awhile that I put the knowledge and skills I've been learning to use, on my own, and worked through a tough situation to end up some place good.

I also learned a few things. One is that I need to go back to 5 rides per week, at least, Katai just has too much energy and isn't getting enough work right now. 4 rides or 5 casual rides just isn't enough for her current fitness level. I'm going to plan to do at least three, working dressage rides, a trail ride, a lunge, and then if she's still feeling hot or if one of our dressage rides ended up being a bit lighter I'm going to add a cavalletti day. the main thing for me is to make sure that during our dressage rides I can concentrate and really ride, and more importantly THINK the way that I know I can. If that means changing a dressage ride into a trail ride or lunge I'm going to do that. Riding dressage and then not really putting much into it or not concentrating is not gaining me anything.

The other thing is that I need to make a couple of things a priority in my rides, getting Katai in front of my leg and making her deal with a normal, light, leg pressure and not taking the pressure off when she over reacts and gives herself the tizzies.

Finally no treats again. Over the past few weeks I'd snuck her one very randomly and during the hunter pace she got a lot. For special occasions away from home I'll still give her some but she's started pinning her ears and giving me dirty looks in the crossties again so no more treats at the barn anymore. I had hoped that making them rare and random would be ok, but no.

My ride on Thursday was really great. I worked on things and was actually able to make progress without L there which has been really hit or miss lately (more miss than hit). I had identified a few things to work on and then I stuck to it. One of those was, as mentioned above, getting her in front of my leg. We ended in a better place but its something that still needs more work. I also really worked on getting her to still accept leg pressure. She has trouble figuring out the difference between the two which is totally on me but now it's time to start fixing it. We had some really good work and ended in a really nice place. It was also my first full ride in the trial saddle and after a few minor tweaks it still slid forward but less. I'm really falling in love with this saddle so I'm very hopefully that L will have some more ideas on how to girth it up that will fix the slipping issue entirely so that I can get it!

Humble Pie

I feel like it's always good for people to be able to admit when they are wrong especially when it comes to working with a very sensitive and large prey animal that easily blows things out of all proportion.

Part of this, when working on my own, is self awareness. It's one thing if my instructor tells me that something is wrong but I prefer, whenever possible, to catch it before my lesson. Part of that is that I'd rather not expect my instructor to catch everything and part of it is that I want to feel like I can be productive on my own.

This time what I caught is that I've been choking up on the reins again too much prior to Katai's vacation. The problem is that during some rides Katai rushes so much that we go through this cycle where I get to the point where I'm using every weight and core half halt aid that I have and then I go to the reins. She slows down for a stride or two and then it's back through the same cycle. At some point I get so tired from all those half halt aids that I start relying more on my hands and eventually then even when she's not rushing as much I'm relying on too much rein.

Also, the name stubborn together? Well I seem to get to this point where I'm stubbornly trying to do what I've read in a book and even if it's not working for my pony I persist thinking that she's wrong. Honestly there's no way for her to be wrong, she'll always be honest about how she's feeling. It's my responsibility as the rider to figure out how to fix something so that she makes the change that I'm looking for.

Also, we've been working on getting her really through on the outside rein. She's good going to the right, left rein but doesn't want to take contact at all on the right rein when we're going to the left. Sometimes this requires me shortening up that rein with a nice amount of contact and then slowly working her out. When I'm working with L she can call me on when I'm just holding but when I ride on my own I just keep thinking that I need to keep that contact. Again, this get the reins shorter and shorter.

I had started noticing a few weeks ago that Kati was getting tighter through the shoulders and back and more inverted again. Nothing like before but she wasn't working with a nice long neck and swinging through her back like she had been recently. I kept thinking different things about it but finally diagnosed the above probably along with the soreness that came up in her two appointments. Although of course then I start thinking about whether, like the chicken and the egg, the soreness came first or the postural riding things.

Two weeks ago, with the saddle fitting day, was a little bit of a mixed bag when it came to rides. Since she had worked and gotten a massage on Monday I gave her Tuesday and Wednesday off instead of Monday and Tuesday. Then Thursday was drill team which was sort of when I finally diagnosed what was going on since I had an extremely inverted unhappy pony for the first half and then after making a couple of changes (like actually giving the reins forward a little) she got long and loose and swingy. Then this week of course she's been on a break so just got walked on the long on Wed, Thu, Fri. Had Saturday off and then just a walk ride on Sunday.

I also realized that I need to stop stubbornly trying to warm her up the way that I know works for other horses. She's not other horses, she's Katai and part of why I like sports involving horses is that there's the extra challenge of working with the horse as an individual to get the result you're looking for. In this case I need to stop trying to warm up Katai with more contact and instead, ignore the ugly during the warm up but not give up on bend, push from behind, a longer neck and nice loose back. Once I get her to the place THEN I can have high expectations and start to work on what I want but until then I need to do what it takes to get her there even if it's not by the book. It was this post by SprinklerBandits that made me realize this so thank you for that post SprinklerBandits!

Thinking Rider

When riding, especially dressage, I tend to operate off of instinct. In some ways I think this is good as it is very meditative and I’m really in the moment but in other ways I really need to work to think ahead a bit more and/or make a plan based off the horse I have when I start riding especially since I’m really training her and not riding a schoolmaster. The tough thing is how to do this.

How do I pull myself out of that meditative state and develop a plan using the tools that I’ve been learning in lessons. This is something I think will be a struggle for me for the long run and I know I need to develop a plan to work on improvement. Otherwise I end up on a 20 meter circle for half an hour trying one thing over and over and eventually taking a walk break when there is some improvement. In other words I get so bogged down by the minutia that I don’t actually create any development since I’m just drilling one thing trying to find my version of perfection which isn’t fair to Katai.

I think a way to start is to develop a plan on the way to the barn. Not anything set in stone since she could come out of her stall with a completely different feel each day but more of a loose set of guidelines for myself. I’m thinking something like;

Tonight after I warm up I’m going to start with a trot circle to the left and analyze how she feels, what she’s doing or not doing and then give myself permission to slow things down to a walk for a minute to develop a plan on what tool to use tonight to get her feeling better.

Or;

If she comes out tonight feeling like xyz I’ll be able to use this exercise to improve how she is/isn’t doing abc.

Etc.

I think that having just a basic plan will be helpful. I’m also going to try to make it a goal to use more of the arena and learn some more patterns so that rather than picking at something little right from the beginning I can work on bigger picture things until she settles and then try to get some really good work. I think that by giving myself permission to slow things down and make sure that I’m in that mind set on my way to the barn I’ll be more likely to analyze more and think in a more developmental or strategic way.

Now I just have to put it to the test and see if it works!