What I HAVE Been Doing

Missing my former coach right now.

With all of my whining about what I can't do, ride and just have a nice easy month where things go well, I have been working hard in the background. With the help of my support system I've really changed my mindset over the past few months from just feeling defeated to actually making some pretty big changes to how I function.

I've always been good at self advocating, having boundaries, making time for self care etc. but sometimes if things aren't going well, or I feel like they aren't going well, I swing too far and just stop doing anything productive. That wasn't such an issue when my life was boring but now as I have more adulting to do it's been really affecting my ability to function. Instead I've started to focus on what I can do and to just chip away at small things as I can vs. being such a perfectionist and just not doing anything since I'm unable to do it the way I want.

I've already claimed a corner of the basement in our new house and I want to do something like this plus some shelves and a storage container for grain. I can't wait to set up my little tack space!

With this last month or so of unhappy Katai I've done a few things including getting her on Ulcerguard over the past few days, getting her scheduled for a massage on Monday, and looking at her diet and making some adjustments. These all cost money and I've been really good at budgeting but in this case I decided that throwing some money at the problem was warranted. Even better, because of this change I'll likely be saving money on supplements long term and I've gone from 4 supplements down to, likely, just one. I'm going to trial it for two months, one month of loading dose and one month of the regular dose, and see how she's doing. Fingers crossed it helps with some of the tummy and hoof things she's struggled with. I'll update on how that goes once I know more.

I was also struggling to get Katai to eat her supplements. I think part of this was an ulcer flair but, tbh, she's never loved eating just her small pile of supplements (and I can't blame her because they smell like vitamins) it's just that when she had all night in a stall to eat them she'd eventually finish them off. I don't have all night to wait with her when I'm there. In the past I would have just thrown my hands in the air and given up but instead I checked with a couple of people at the barn to see if they wanted the remainder of the alfalfa pellets that I have to store in my car (since I wasn't feeding them anyway) and found someone who did. I arranged a complicated game of musical car storage for them and then stopped and picked up a bag of senior feed. Sure enough, last night when I gave her the supplements with a couple of handfuls of senior she gobbled them down and licked her bucket clean.

Really thankful that Katai's mane has grown back in!
Now hopefully I can keep it from getting like this again through the winter.
Also thankful she doesn't need to crane her neck to eat her supplements anymore :)

I've also been asking for help more both in my personal life and at the barn. At the barn I vented a bit to a fellow rider and then based on her response asked some questions about horse care stuff. She was really helpful and is in agreement with me that Katai is just taking awhile to adjust. She agreed that some Ulcerguard and just more time were what was needed. That along with T's comment on my last post about her ponies also having sore feet and some text conversations with Jen have helped me feel like this isn't that unusual and it's going to be ok. I just stacked the deck against us when I moved her during this weather change.

Flat drylot

For some perspective, before with stall board she was in from around 5:00pm to about 7:00-7:30am so for about 14+ hours she was in her 12x12 stall. When she went out it was into a fairly large, but flat, dry lot where the horses ate and then stood around a lot. Now she's out 24/7 in a pasture with hills and a slightly larger group of horses that do more moving around. When we moved, her saddle was sitting slightly low in front and I was shimming it because she'd lost topline without consistent work over the summer. Now, with almost no riding, her saddle is sitting even and definitely doesn't need shims. That isn't due to fat at all since her girth is still going up to the same space, I can still feel her last rib or two, and she visually doesn't have a belly at all. The only explanation I have is that she's out moving around, running around, and doing her own hill work and that's why I'm guessing there's some muscle soreness/tiredness.

One small portion of the pasture.
It continues to slope up to the right and this is about a third of the total space.

Last night I went to the barn after a work meeting. It was cold, I didn't have any dinner so needed to stop and wait in line forever (food is the worst) and was just over everything when I got to the barn. I figured I'd just give her Ulcerguard and her supplements and leave. I went in the barn, not even planning to change out of my work clothes, BUT I saw someone else clipping and decided that I was just going to stick with it and do it. I changed to barn clothes, got the pony, and started clipping her. I was about a square foot into it with an almost new set of clipper blades when they just completely stopped working. In the past I would have just packed up and left and ordered a new blade but instead I asked the other boarder who was clipping for help. She, low and behold, works as a dog groomer and has a TON of knowledge of clippers. She helped me figure out how to change out my blade drive and then when that didn't work lent me a set of her blades (which happened to fit my clipper) so that I could finish. She was so lovely and helpful about it that it was a good learning for me.

From pictures like (from the old barn) this I can tell that she's really getting her
muscle back at the new barn despite not much riding

Because of that perseverance I now have a clipped pony who is actually eating her important supplements and who is on the path to an ulcer free existence. I'm hoping that with some additional ulcer guard, being back on her tummy supplements, and the massage on Monday she'll be on the right track. I'm also hoping that the hoof supplement gets here today, or tomorrow, so that I can get her started on that and see if that does anything. Hopefully we can be fully back on track in the next week or so and I can reschedule the lesson I needed to cancel this week!

Through the Ringer

Yikes, I was doing better with posting for a while and now it’s been almost a month again. There’s a reason for that but I’m not happy about it. Basically ever since we’ve moved Katai has had random stuff going on. None of it seems to really be related, none of it seems to point to needing the vet, and none of it is easily addressed. Mostly I think she’s, as I’ve mentioned before, a very sensitive flower that’s dealing with a lot of change at the same time and I feel really awful and guilty about that but at this point it is what it is. Everything from a few massive heat cycles, being tired out, muscle stiffness, sore feet, an ulcer flare, not getting enough magnesium so being a hellion, etc. Below is a timeline if you want to read a bunch of boring stuff about pony’s slight offness.

-The week after I got back from the cabin I was only able to get myself to go out and give her supplements a few times throughout the rest of the week. Then the Saturday after (10/5) she was on fire! She felt great and we had a great, if slightly short, ride. I was happy and feeling like she was adjusting finally after being pretty tired and muscle sore for the 3 weeks or so after she moved.

Tiny dog is judging me for disturbing her

-The following week on Tuesday I lunged her in the Vienna reins and she was good but sluggish which is very unlike her. This has been the theme since she’s been on pasture board and I suspect she’s just using a lot of energy in running around when she would have been in a stall before. She’s definitely building muscle and I love that but it’s also tough waiting for her to adjust and get used to having all that additional time to use up energy.

-Wednesday and Thursday that week I did a couple of light rides and had a couple of fellow boarders watch because she was short in her stride but not off and still lethargic. Both fellow boarders agreed that she wasn’t off (evenly short) and basically seemed to think I was making a mountain out of a mole hill. Since I know I’m a bit of a pony hypochondriac I felt better and decided to give her the weekend off.

At least I'm loving my new tack set up?

- On Monday I was going to go out but I got stuck at work really late so she ended up with 3 days off. Then on Tuesday she was lethargic again but I did more of a ride and worked really hard on trying to loosen up muscles to see if it’s just that she was really tight. She did actually make progress! I got lots of snorts and sighs and by the end she had a more normal stride length for how she’s been going recently. She also just felt much looser and more forward. I was really encouraged!

- Wednesday I went out and had a plan to do similar work but when I touched her girth to tighten it (didn’t even get the buckle undone to tighten) she had a massive girthy, pain response. I tried the other side and got a similar response. She’s not a girthy pony, and hadn’t had a girthy response the day before, so it was pretty clear she was having a bad ulcer response suddenly. Strangely(?) enough most of the horses at the barn seem to be having an ulcer issue right now. I’m not sure if it’s just the weather change, or the change from grass to just hay, or something about the hay but it seems to be the norm. That makes me feel a bit better but I also hate seeing her uncomfortable.

-The rest of the week I’ve been out basically treating her for ulcers, putting thrush meds in her feet, and doing blanket changes as needed. S he’s still been tight and lethargic so I’m still not sure what’s going on there but again, no one other than me seems to even notice so maybe I’m just worried about nothing.

Grrr, I really wish they could tell us what’s going on. She’s also either been sore muscle wise or had sore feet off and on. The high anxiety, panicky part of me is worried that she’s having a laminitis flair because of the tiny amount of grass she can get but she hasn’t had an increased pulse or heat in her feet. It has been SUPER rainy though so I suspect she’s just got tender footsies from standing in the muck and rain 24/7. Hopefully she’s not brewing an abscess.

At the cabin, boyfriend is good at helping his grandma <3

I’m getting out there about 4-6 days a week right now to make sure she’s getting supplements, meds, etc. which is tough because as this is happening I’m also dealing with some bad depression. You know what could help that? Having a pony who feels happy, comfortable, and sound and being able to ride and get that form of exercise.

Honestly? I’m really, really, really, really tired of dealing with all of this. I feel like this sort of thing is made worse because of how sensitive she is and yet I wouldn’t ask for her to hide any of this. I just hate having this sort of domino, one thing after another, sort of situation that feels like it’s been going on low key since I was still boarding at Jane’s. Can’t the universe just give us a break and a month where things just smooth out, we can make some progress, and we’re both feeling ok?

I know it’s not fair for her, as another being who’s dealing with her own crap, but I just want this part of my life to be working well right now and to be my rock while I’m dealing with mental health stuff as the season changes.

The Universe Has a Plan?

I’ve drafted this post a couple of times and each time it was more negative than I wanted it to be so I decided to try one more time and this time start with a recap of my last few trips to the barn.

I’m FINALLY feeling better and was able to make it out to the barn Friday, Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday (for a lesson). On Friday I lunged Katai with her halter and she was really good. I’ve been working on some positive reinforcement training getting her to slow down her body, listen to half halts from my body language, and trot slower while still carrying herself. She was finding the carrying part especially tough on Friday but mentally she was very keyed in and listening.

Who's this Scout horse and is his nameplate tasty?

Last Saturday I had a great ride with her and she worked really hard. K was riding a training horse at the same time and it was nice to have a riding buddy (who knows how to negotiate the very small arena with another horse) and great inspiration to have her also doing things like shoulder in and leg yields. I rode for quite a while and we did quite a bit of lateral work. I was able to really enforce the rules kindly and patiently and Katai was right on board with working that hard which was nice. There were no meltdowns and she never said no. We also did a good amount of canter and really worked on her twisting to the right and she was also game to work on that and do some SI at the canter. She was a little rushy but after the time off that didn’t surprise or bother me. Unfortunately I completely spaced and forgot to start the Equilab app so I’m already struggling with that goal.

We took Sunday off per the usual and then I rode on Monday evening. She was definitely tired and less willing to work hard but we still got some really great work. I stuck to walk and trot just based on how her body was feeling. She was really falling in going to the right which usually means that her hind leg is tired out, not too surprising after the canter work the previous day. It’s not helping that we have a ton of ice still so she wasn’t able to work out the kinks in turnout. It was another great ride though and she still worked hard and never quit. I did AGAIN forget to start the Equilab app. *grumbles*

Tuesday I had a lesson! Finally! It’s been since mid-December since both holidays feel on a Tuesday this year and then I was sick. We had planned that K was going to ride her and I was disappointed it was after such a long time off because I was hoping that it would be more productive. However, K still got a lot done and really focused on getting Katai to slow down her own body and carry herself without me holding her. This has been a theme in our lessons so it was great to have K able to feel what I’ve been feeling. She agreed that Katai is great at talking her rider into holding her up and also had no trouble working on it since she’s so much more advanced than I am  I know how to slow her off my seat it’s just that I haven’t been effectively training her that she MUST slow down off my seat so then eventually I get tired (when she decides to ignore me) and instead of using it as a training opportunity I start to go to the reins. It has been a really long time since I’ve seen Katai ridden and that was lovely. Her hind leg is getting so much more active and since she was still sort of tired and stiff that’s saying something. I did climb on at the very end but Katai was pretty pooped (muscle strength-wise) and also spicy at that point since they had just worked on the canter which included a couple of minor blow ups so we never quite got on the same page. I did get her to slow down a couple of times just off my seat so that was awesome.


I have some great homework!

The bad news? K is leaving us.

She has an amazing opportunity to move to the East Coast and work with a very well-known dressage trainer so I’m incredibly excited for her but also sad for myself. It’s not only that she’s a fantastic teacher, she’s also just an awesome person. I really like her take on things and how relaxed she is while still expecting good work. She really adapts to her students and their needs and holds me to a different standard than others. She’s also very honest about what I need to work on vs. glossing over things and I really appreciate that since it’s the way I improve the most. For at least the time being she’s planning to be home at least 1-2 weekends per month.

Such nice lipstick

Since I’m only taking e/o week lesson right now that sounds great except that weekends rarely work for me and I’m also concerned how long she’ll be able to keep that up especially going into summer and show season when I’m sure she’ll be very busy. It also is tough on my plans to show again since I’ve just lost another potential ride to shows and show coaching whether that was prior to the show or at the show. I’m also a little concerned how the barn atmosphere will change with her not being there on a regular basis and curious if anyone will leave.

Getting a trailer, which is a goal this year anyway, would fix a lot of this since I could trailer myself out for shows and take Katai to outside lessons and/or clinics. There are a lot of things floating around right now and bf and I had a great conversation last night about options, goals, plans, and how to potentially proceed. Mostly I’m just sad to know that a new friend won’t be around as much and feel like I’m losing part of my support system.