A Kick in The Pants

Winter is always tough on my motivation. The seasonal change is the worst but the depression and headaches that always gives me seems to be over this year which is amazing. The winter is just tough because of the dark and cold.

At my previous barn it wasn't so bad since it was kept much warmer, closer to 50-60* so as soon as I got to the barn I was comfy and could wear just a light jacket. This barn is much chillier and probably kept closer to 32* just so it doesn't freeze. Certainly not complaining but as a huge freeze baby I have to admit that it's been tougher to make myself go to the barn this year.

Especially when we have weeks like this in early December

I've still been to the barn 3-4 days a week but I'm still aiming for 5 so that's a big difference. However on Tuesday H was able to make it to my lesson and it was an interesting evening that somehow left me feeling more motivated.

To start this off I want to preface by saying that I love H. She's been a friend since I was in my teens and she's really a good person. I really enjoy spending time with her especially since both of us are into dressage ponies so we have a lot to talk about. The thing is though, that she brings out all of my insecurities. That's not her fault but mine for letting who she is get into my head. 

H is really a triple threat, she's gorgeous, petit, a beautiful rider, and (the toughest for me to deal with) she rides at an absolutely amazing barn with an absolutely amazing instructor where she regularly gets the opportunity to bop around on a 4 year old Gold Premium filly, a schoolmaster(ish) level horse, and ride with clinicians like Janet Foy.

It's not the fact that I feel insecure around her because I really don't and we both have our own strengths. It's more that I'm jealous of her opportunities. Even as a kid she had a well trained pony, good instruction, and a trailer when I had a green broke and naughty horse that had only been on trail rides, no good instruction, and no trailer so no way to show or take lessons since there weren't any trainers nearby that had lesson horses. Every time I'm around her it's tough for me not to wish I had had the same opportunities in the past and that I could have the same opportunities now since I still don't have a trailer or a trainer who regularly shows throughout our region.

Don't get me wrong. At this point I would never trade and lesson with her instructor (who's a well known dressage judge) instead of Jane. He is amazing but I am at exactly the right place for me and Katai right now and  I wouldn't move even if I could. It's just tough every time I see or hear about her scribing and/or showing at large rated dressage shows and talking about all of the quirky show things or partying with our regions top riders after the show.

This time was especially difficult on me because her instructor, who's also a well respected breeder (as you can tell since he has a 4 year old Gold Premium filly that I believe he produced), has recently purchased no fewer than SIX GRPs. Two are older (3 and 6 I believe), four of them are just babies, and H will have the chance to play with, help break, train, and ride all of those gorgeous ponies. 

One of them in particular hurts because she's a Golden State baby (from the same barn/lines(?) as Forest Nymph) who I was drooling over for weeks before I heard she went to H's trainer. Of course I'm glad she's in such a good home and excited to meet her at some point but it still stings a bit. The fact that H was talking about all the ways that her trainer thinks this pony might be lacking for upper level dressage (obviously extremely nit-picky things since he has a Gold Premium baby) made it sting more especially since I have an amazing but free pony, with no specific breeding, no traceable bloodlines, and not even close to "fancy" movement. Insecurities talking again of course since I CERTAINLY wouldn't trade Katai even if the pony were offered to me tomorrow for free. Katai is amazing, she's my girl and my partner and she's really what I want.

Galaxie from Pics Of You Videos on Vimeo.

In the end, after already feeling like H had been a bit condescending about my ride during my lesson (those damn insecurities talking again) I had an emotional drive home. I was completely aware of how silly I'm being. I mean talk about a bunch of first world problems! I have a pony I adore, a trainer I love, and a barn that felt like home the moment I walked through the door and here I'm disappointed that I'm not at a show barn and don't have a 5 figure GRP. Even I know it's funny, it's the fact that H has all of that and she's about 6 years younger than me that leaves me feeling like all the air got knocked out of me.

I processed the whole way home coming up with all of the above conclusions and finally, about 10 minutes from home realized that action is the best thing. Instead of feeling jealous or less motivated I need to just get my butt to the barn, work extremely hard and make opportunities for myself. I need to stop allowing myself to run out of motivation and go to the barn 3-4 days a week and just go and ride my pony! I need to start working out again so that I have the strength to give her a good ride (I died a bit at my lesson on Tuesday which didn't help), and I need to make getting a trailer this year a priority. This isn't about saving up and getting a fancy pony for me (even though I want(ed) Galaxy so badly that it hurts), it's really about wanting more opportunities. Not to win, but at least to get out there and show and to continue to climb up the levels and that's something I just need to work for.

A Good Riding Horse: Lesson Recap 7/17

I had a great lesson today but it was a little weird. I feel like I haven't had regular lessons in a long time. I missed my past two lessons (L was on vacation one week and I was on vacation the next) so it felt odd to be riding in one today. I've been having some great rides over the past few weeks and L was able to make some great progress with Katai last week so I was looking forward to riding with her and getting more feedback.

We started off with an amazing trot!! L gave me some feedback on a few small things, that I needed to get her neck a little lower and to pause a bit more at the top of my posting, but mostly it felt amazing. After a walk break we went to working on spiral in and out at the trot and throwing in canter transitions.

I need to practice these more again. For awhile I felt like I was really getting them figured out but now I'm back on the struggle bus. Oh well, time to do more practice! Once we were cantering the main feedback I got was that I was pumping too much with my elbows. I think in an attempt to make sure I wasn't grabbing with my left hand I've been too loose which means too much movement and therefore the pumping. I was able to relax my arms and be much more soft and still which immediately meant that Katai softened. Funny how that works ;)

After another walk break we went back to working on the trot and getting and keeping Katai more in front of my leg. L has correctly identified that I tend to let Katai get behind my leg too much. We started working on turning down the centerline and then halting at X (or other letters so that Katai wouldn't get wise) while focusing on getting her to halt from a trot and to halt square. It clearly pointed out that I couldn't keep her in front of my leg at downward transitions.

It also pointed out that while my turns to the right were pretty good, my turns to the left were complete failures and I overshot the center line every time.

Finally, thanks to some great work on L's part during her past training rides, we did some amazing stretchy trot. Katai was really stretching down while still maintaining the same temp. It felt great and floaty and soft. It was really a great and fun lesson but what made it even better was the conversation we had at the beginning.

Golden State

L and I started off talking about the NDPC and she asked if Golden State had been there. Both of us really think he's amazing and L has mentioned that she'd really like one of his babies. I'd really like one too and I mentioned it but also said that while it would be really fun to breed Katai to him, it's just not something I'd do. First I think I'm the last person qualified to breed a horse and second I just don't know enough about Katai's breeding to know what I'd get. I really lucked out with my pony and think that she's amazing, but when it comes to picking out my next horse I'd rather know a bit more about what I'd get.

At that comment the BM (who did a lot of very successful breeding) said that Katai would make an ADORABLE baby. Katai is one of her favorites which is pretty cool since there are many amazing horses that board there and she started talking about how cute that baby could be. Then L chimed in with a couple of suggestions of who she'd breed Katai to and why. It's really flattering that they were talking about it but I know that neither one of them would actually recommend it. However, at that point L mentioned that it's probably good that I wasn't planning on it since she'd lost her own amazing riding horse to a breeding injury. It made me really happy to hear that L thinks that Katai is worth more as a riding horse than in being bred. I can guarantee you that a few of my friends and acquaintances think that it would be better to breed Katai to a talented horse and get something at least a little better rather than to ride her.

I don't put much stock into what those people think since I think Katai is AMAZING but it's really great to hear that my trainer thinks the same thing :)