No Longer Waiting

Oh goodness has it ever been a rollercoaster around here recently!

I had mentioned in a previous post(s) that I just felt like I was waiting for everything, well for the most part I’m not waiting anymore. Now I can finally talk about what has been going on. Without further ado, in no particular order, some of the big things that have been happening in my life recently!

First, I’ve been looking for a new job since the end of last year. I believe I started really applying at the end of November. Starting in January I started getting some interviews. Each time I made it to the final round and at least in two cases I was the 2nd place candidate. It was tough and I just tried to move on. I always feel like everything happens for a reason and so was the case with this. Then, in June I began interviewing for a major healthcare company in MN and this time I made it through and received an offer! Not only was it exactly the job I was looking for but my eventual offer was WAY more than what I I’d have been making at the other jobs I came close on. It is significantly more than what I make now which opened up a whole bunch of opportunities.

Second, a couple of months ago an opportunity came up to purchase a friend’s house. They’re moving out East and would prefer that their house, which they love, go to someone in the friend circle vs. to a stranger and it happened to be offered to us. Bf and I talked about it a ton and were interested but trying not to get too excited about it. Turns out that if you aren’t planning to buy a house you probably aren’t putting much into a down payment and a house in Minneapolis needs a pretty good sized down payment. We had a mortgage meeting scheduled but then when I knew an offer was on the way we delayed it so that we had that info. Very luckily in the meantime the bf got a promotion!! We talked with the mortgage person on the 3rd and it turns out that if we put all of our “extra” money into savings for the house we’ll be able to make it on time with a very small buffer. If it hadn’t been for my job offer and significant increase and my bf’s promotion we likely wouldn’t have been able to make it happen but now we can!!! We’re going to go ahead with it because at the worse we’ll have a bunch of money in a savings account that we can put toward a future house. That of course brings me to my third thing which is barn/boarding stuff.

Not that I have annnnny anxiety about this....

Barn boarding stuff has been up in the air for a little while. I know that my barn is going to close down at some point. At the soonest that will be the summer/fall of 2020 but there is some chance that it could be much further out. All of that is being determined now but what I don’t want to run into is trying to find a place in the last couple of months along with the other 20-40 boarders (tough to get a good count with how many people have multiple horses there). With that in mind I’ve been looking at other options for a while. During the winter I stumbled over the website of a barn I’d never heard of that’s to the SW of Minneapolis. I did some digging and it looked like an amazing set up. However, after my experience at the previous barn with S2 I was a little gun shy about “fancy” barns.

I bookmarked that website and moved on but I couldn’t quite get the barn out of my mind. I don’t remember exactly what prompted it (maybe the extremely cold winter) but at some point I reached out to the owner and set up a tour. I went out at some point in February on an EXTREMELY cold day and got a tour. It’s amazing. There are a few gold medalists that either train or clinic there and the indoor arena is enormous and amazing. There are serious dressage peeps but also lots of people who trail ride, ride western, event, etc. They even have an evening each week where they do horse agility! The property has a pond that you can ride in and access to TONS of trails. The outdoor arena is also very nice and they have a round pen that actually has great footing. This place gets fantastic reviews and the owner is a true business woman who seems to also really understand horse people (and owns a horse herself). I took a spot on the waitlist for a pasture spot because they still feed supplements to pasture horses and it sounds like the grass isn’t that rich but ideally I wanted to get a stall there eventually.

Then I went back and watched the resident gold medalist dressage trainer (who also events) teach a few lessons and that REALLY made me want to move. She was awesome. She taught in a light hearted but honest sort of way that was really refreshing.

Sushi dinner!!! with my bf :)

Fast forward to end of April. I was still on the waitlist at that barn. I went to the horse expo and just as I was leaving I saw Jane’s SO and then Jane. I actually teared up and when she saw me she did as well. We hugged and then I let them know that I’d been wanting to call and check in. Jane’s SO said “you should come see our new barn!” I kid you not the first think that I could think of was an amazing local barn that I’d seen for sale on Facebook. Sure enough he confirmed that’s what they were in the process of purchasing. Back in this post I went to see a potential instructor teach a lesson at this barn. After that I put it on my list as a backup place but then it sold to someone who didn’t want to operate it as a boarding barn and became a private stable. I seriously had goosebumps as Jane and her SO were talking about it. They invited me to move Katai there and I was seriously pumped about the opportunity.

That pretty much brings us to today. Ever since the horse expo I’ve been excited about both options. The issue currently is that both options with a stall are about double what I’m paying right now. I would be able to afford that, however, now since meeting with the mortgage person and deciding to purchase the house both options are out. I called Jane this week and let her know and she was really happy for us but sad that we weren't able to move there. It’s really bittersweet right now but I also am SUPER excited about buying a house and ultimately since that’s next spring it won’t be long and I’ll be able to move pretty much wherever I want at that time. In the meantime I’m still on the waitlist for the other barn for a pasture spot. If that opens up I’m going to make it work so that I can have a heated indoor sooner and also because that waitlist is seriously long and I don’t want to miss out on the opportunity to be there. Mostly I’m just happy that I’m no longer waiting on everything!

2018 Year in Review

I'm going with a full, wordy, review of 2018 and I'm going to fit it all in one post. Never fear, I analyzed the year as a whole vs. recapping posts so there is some new information here and at least one picture I took for each month I'm recapping. Hopefully the media will get you through this long post!

Pretty weather but a really tough month for us

January:

In general this year was tough riding wise and it really all started last winter. January was a continuation on that and I only ended up with one lesson despite typically taking them weekly with Jane. I was dealing with SADD and anxiety and Katai was dealing with saddle fit, ulcers, and too much energy from not being able to work because of the other two. The happy things going on were that I was dating someone amazing, had an adorable baby puppy, and was looking forward to moving out of my grandma’s house and into my own apartment.

Pony was doubtful and I was enthusiastic. This was during the period of time where we were
 pretty much always at odds with each other

February:

I posted a grand total of 2 times and didn’t even get my saddle shipped out to be resized until early February. By the end of February I had my saddle back and had managed to fit in a couple of lessons but Katai was still full of energy and probably ulcery. I had also moved and was dealing with awful weather. Personal things remained awesome, other than some awful depression and anxiety that came from the move and living in chaos for a while, but pony things still weren’t going well.

Pretty tail, also one of my last photos at Jane's barn *sadface*

March:

March continued to be a struggle. The weather was awful, Katai was naughty and overly full of energy still. I also had my car break down and ended up replacing it which ate up my trailer savings. That was the final straw for me and I decided that I needed to move somewhere that could consistently trailer me to shows, having onsite clinics etc, so that I could have more opportunities. Plus I found out that Jane was selling her farm. I was also still dealing with the transition of moving into a major city that I wasn’t familiar with and was feeling a bit trapped (although I didn’t realize that until later) and needing to figure out how to manage my rescue dog who was having major anxiety and leash aggression issues that I didn’t post much about.

I did actually ride occasionally. You can also see in Katai's expression how much she hated this place.
This was her constant look whenever I had her in the barn.

April:

April was my highest posting month this year with a grand total of 8 posts. Less than half of the amount I was posting in 2017. I moved to the barn in WI and was, at the time, thinking I’d have a show in May which was exciting. The weather continued to do it’s best to defeat me and I was already struggling with figuring out how to get to the barn with all the snow and ice. I posted about my show plans for the year *sadface*, dealt with two fairly significant snow storms, and went to OH for work. Then I was very sick when I got back which just continued making it difficult to be consistent with rides.

 

Getting ready to interview for a new job. Thankfully my boss at the time found out and then changed up my work to make it more sustainable so I ended up staying.

May:

I almost entirely ended up missing May but posted three times right toward the end of the month. The weather had suddenly gotten unseasonably hot and because of pony behavior things we decided we needed to skip the May show. I then realized that I wasn’t going to be able to go to the June show because of previous plans to go to NC with my bf for a wedding. Unbeknownst to me at the time that caused a chain effect of the serious dressage crew at the barn, including my trainer at the time, to lose all faith in me and push me out of their clique. I was learning some great things from S2 especially around how to handle Katai on the ground when she checked out. Partially I was needing to learn this because Katai was ALWAYS checked out at this barn. I’m still not sure of the cause but she hasn’t had such consistently negative (anxious) behavior anywhere else which is suspicious in retrospect. I was also sick for a week or so again.

Pretty sure we make a weird perfect team

June:

The highlight of my riding year (accomplishment wise) was riding for Kristi Wysocki in a clinic and having her give me very little advice (based on riding and showing at 1^st level) when I knew going in that she’s really tough. It definitely gave me confidence that 2^nd level is in our grasp. I also got to bring Moshy to spectate at a dressage show and she was amazing! It was so much fun and I can’t wait to do more of this in 2019.

Riding blind, only a well trained dressage horse could
be so on the aids that they don't need to see right? *snorts*

July:

After only posting early in June I didn’t post again until late July and only got a few posts in. I had diagnosed many of the things that I had been struggling with so far this year and had a plan including moving to a new barn since I had realized that I had overextended myself commute time wise. Something I wasn’t posting about at the time is how much worse the people at the WI barn were making things for me since I was being actively pushed out. I wasn’t sharing because I hate adding in any way to barn drama. Plus my mental health was pretty fragile this year so I was having a tough time not feeling that it was deserved it despite literally doing nothing that should have caused ANY negative feelings from anyone at the barn.

Very few pony pictures were taken in August so enjoy a puppy instead

August:

August was a big transition month and when things actually started to slightly start to look up to me for the first time in over 9 months. I moved Katai in the middle of the month and cut my commute to the barn more than in half. Bf and I also decided moving in together was officially a thing and found an apartment at the end of August. Katai spent most of July and then August entirely off work which set us way back especially since I hadn’t been at all consistent prior to that since back in November/December.

Saying goodby to my cute little apartment
(and the amazing view lol)

Finally in the arena after all that time off even if we weren't riding much yet 

September: 

I didn’t post a single thing in September. Instead I spent the month moving myself and the bf into the new apartment, being really sick (again!), and starting to slowly work toward more time at the barn with Katai.

I can tell I was starting to feel better in October because I took way more pictures

She's perfected the mare glare

 October:

Things really started looking up this month which is funny since typically it’s October/November when I really start to suffer with seasonal depression. Kinda tells you how rough the rest of the year was for me. At any rate, I actually started to be consistent with barn time and was meeting my goals for October. I also posted a bit more about the apartment move and my new tack storage and shared new goals for the rest of the year, did some shopping, and got more media posted.

November:

Despite only posting two times I was doing so much better and averaged 5 times per week at the barn which was a combination mainly of lunging and riding. I was starting to get my position back a bit and Katai was starting to be more consistently cooperative for the first time in over a year. I shared a general update of stuff I hadn’t posted over the past year and reviewed my updated goals which were going well.

Starting to get better at our selfie game

December:

Things have officially been feeling way better and like the worst of whatever the universe was trying to throw at me is over. In December I pretty much posted about shopping (lol) but despite a real lack of any riding content I’ve continued to be really consistent up until this past week or so but I blame that on the holidays. Mainly I’m so looking forward to 2019 and having a way better year in every way.

I’m aware how quiet things have been this year and I apologize for the negative tone in the blog. It truly just has been a year where I kept getting kicked when I was down even with small things. To top that off I was really struggling with anxiety and depression in a way I never have. I’ve tried to keep some of that out of the blog since it’s just not helpful but to still be decently transparent. Saying this isn’t to diminish the amazing things that happened at the end of last year including my relationship with one of the most amazing people I’ve met, moving in with him, my amazing puppy, and my incredible pony. Thank goodness for my amazing bf and his ability to support me through this really tough year because I don’t quite know what would have happened this year without his support. Mostly though I’m looking forward to a fresh start this next year where we can have more fun together, I can accomplish more of my goals (which are mainly riding goals lets be honest) and where I just don’t have so much stress in my life.

New Barn Feels

First I just want to put a note that I've been trying to comment on everyone's blogs but for some reason google isn't allowing me to submit comments. I thought it was just a temporary thing one day but I'm still not able to at this point. I'm going to reach out to support to get it figured out but in the meantime just know that I'm still reading them all!

Mostly I’m loving the new barn. I adore the arena which is the perfect combination of cozy, cute, and had pretty decent footing. It’s not spacious by any means but two people can ride fairly comfortably in it and, let’s face it, Katai is tiny so if I can’t maneuver her around a space this size I don’t have any hope of getting any geometry correct in any test at this point ;)

Katai has a nice sized stall, the hay is amazing, I love having a nice low key trail just outside her paddock, there’s a grazing pen for horses that are in dry lots just so that they can have a mini graze while their people hang out, 99% of the people are great (just like any barn), there are a ton of very long term boarders, the barn manger is FANTASTIC, and I really like my new instructor.

The only drawback so far has been that 1% of people here (let’s be honest, that’s one person) haven’t been very nice but I can handle myself and I’m hoping that with time that will calm down (side note, it's already gotten better between when I typed up this post and when I posted it). It’s never been an issue for me before since I’m good at making friends, I work hard, I’ve been around horses since I was 7 so I know a few things, I have good communication skills, and I tend to get along with everyone but for some reason there’s one person here who I apparently rub the wrong way. Oh well, we can’t all be friends with everyone.

The other main drawback is that the two larger, outdoor arenas are fairly rocky. They’re fine for most horses but Katai is barefoot and we’re rehabbing her hooves right now so she’s still a little tender. The last thing I want is for her to not trust her footing so we’ve just avoided both arenas for the most part. With winter coming it isn’t worth worrying about but we have a couple of ideas for how to combat it next year if her hooves still aren’t at the gravel crushing phase.

The best thing is that Katai has been calm, happy, relaxed, and just seems really content at this barn. She was happy at Janes but still had more anxious energy than she does here and it’s a huge improvement from the last barn where she constantly seemed to be in flight or fight mode for some reason. I’m also loving the cost and the much, much shorter commute.

In addition, K (my new instructor) is nicely low key and relaxed about things while still having great suggestions and I love how she explains theory. She’s also already talking about bringing me to shows next year which would be amazing. I’m excited to keep taking lessons with her and see how far we can go together! I also have plans with one of the amazing barn people who invited me to go to a hunter pace with her! With weather and other things we aren't going to be able to do the hunter pace this year but hopefully next year and we already have plans for a trail ride in a couple weeks!

Exacerbated (long post feel free to skip)

While I know I haven’t done a good job of updating this blog this year I have still been reading all of the blogs I subscribe to. Reading a couple of posts recently made me want to post an update on what is going on more from my riding perspective and mind set than just a general update so here goes.

 I am, along with at least one other blogger, currently struggling with the move up to second level and really have been since last fall. At first it was because I was getting a lot of attitude from Katai as she also struggled with the new expectations but then it became more because we were consistently derailed. First by saddle fit, then ulcers, then SAD, then more saddle fit issues, then my anxiety, then a new boyfriend, then a new puppy, then the weather, then a barn move, then a longer drive, then more expensive lessons, then the weather again…

This weather? Making riding difficult? No that can't be...

 Yeah, so while I’m certainly struggling with moving to 2nd level that’s been exacerbated by all of the other things going on in my life. It is a two way street though and while I’ve shared a lot about all of the other things there is certainly a component of the barn and riding no longer feeling entirely like my happy place, at least not to the extent that it did. The question then is whether I’m going to let myself continue to be derailed and just not focus on riding as much as I have been or completely let the blog go but I don’t want to do either of those things and honestly my life wouldn’t be complete without horses and working toward some sort of riding accomplishments.

Delicious blueberry, spinach smoothies are one way
to make the high heat and humidity tolerable

 So what am I doing to fix it?

 When I stepped back and analyzed why I was really struggling a couple months ago I found that I’ve added the following:
An additional commute in the morning of 10-15 minutes
An additional commute in the evening of 20-50 minutes
An additional commute to the barn each way of at least 20 minutes
Additional time spent walking puppies (I used to be able to let Veggie out in the backyard) of 10-15 minutes 3-4 times per day
Additional time with my bf

 If you completely cut out the time with my bf that’s an additional hour – hour and 45 minutes for days I don’t go to the barn and an additional hour and 40 minutes to 2 hours and 15 minutes on days when I do go to the barn from how my schedule used to be. When you add in time with bf at home and time with bf doing events that pull me away from home that’s a considerable change from my previously quiet (but also lonely :) schedule.

Lots of days like this with huge thunderheads as our weather wildly swings

Having laid that out I feel less guilty for not being able to get to the barn as much or guilty for our lack of progress. Then when I look at budget as well and that is also tight. Moving into the new apartment, needing to pay for parking every day, boarding at a more expensive barn without lessons included, a new puppy, a new (used) car, needing/wanting to go out on dates with my bf… All of these things were items that I took into account but it still feels tighter than I want which is annoying. The tighter budget means fewer lessons and less ability to do shows and/or clinics.

 With looking at the above there are a lot of things that I can’t control but there are a couple of things that I can control and one of those is the barn where I’m boarding Katai. So yep, you guessed it, I’m moving again. The new barn is cheaper by a good bit, and much closer. I’ll easily save 30-50 minutes each time I go to the barn between the shorter drive and the setup of the barn. I found it through my horse network since, like Jane’s place, it doesn’t have any online presence. I’ll do a post specifically about the barn soon, I’m getting so good at them at this point..

One of the busy weekends spent up north with my bf and his family

I have a couple of other ideas as well to help take some pressure off and bf is amazing as always since after I figured this out we had a long positive and supportive conversation about doing a food prep and chores day together. That way we could both get stuff ready together for our busy weeks since not having food to eat has been one of the huge stressors I’ve been dealing with. We’ve also talked about leaving more weekends open so that we can just veg and hang out together or do our own thing (riding for me and climbing for him) vs. always having stuff scheduled.

 I really like this guy.

 There are a couple of other plans in the works to help with reducing my scheduled time but right now they’re just in the beginning stages so nothing I’m comfortable sharing yet. It is making me feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel though. Work has also gotten better in the last couple of weeks thanks to a shift in how our department workflows function and because we added some additional staff. I’m also receiving a promotion which is fantastic :) That all means that my stress should be far lower when I get home which will make for less need to veg and more ability to do the things I want to do.

Another busy weekend spent in NC with my bf for one of his friend's wedding

 As far as what I’m doing to help with my riding?

 I love my current trainer. She’s an amazing person and the tools she gave me to help with Katai’s ground work have made a significant difference. As long as I keep doing my homework I’m confident that next time I show I’ll have a much easier time getting through to Katai which was exactly what I hoped to gain from her. However, she has seemed to me to be uncomfortable helping me get to 2nd level and has encouraged me to clinic vs. taking dressage lessons with her. I truly appreciate her honesty, and, it’s then tough to feel like it makes sense to invest in many lessons with her.

At the new barn there is a dressage instructor that I follow on social media and who is riding at least a couple levels above me. In addition, there is another, locally well known, dressage instructor nearby who has a history of bringing riders up the levels. At this point I’m still comfortable mainly going it alone for a while both to help with my current level of burnout (weekly lessons just aren’t a thing I can do right now) and because we still really need to build strength more than anything else. However, being able to take a lesson a month or as needed to ensure we’re headed in the right directly would be amazing.

 Of course it’s also going to be extremely helpful to be so much closer to the barn. That will help reduce my burnout, increase my motivation to go, and make it easier to get there even when I have more limited time. More than anything I need to get back into a 5 day routine since Katai is not doing well on the 2-3 days a week that I’ve been managing for the past couple of crazy months. So, I finally feel like I have at least the beginning of a plan in place.

Hopefully the reduction in stress and increase in available time will mean I can increase my blogging as well but my first goal is to get my riding back to where it needs to be and then hopefully the blogging will follow!

Decisions, Decisions

So I have decided to move my pony. It’s been an agonizing decision since I realize that no place will be perfect and there are so many great things about where I’m at now. The main thing that sold it, besides the current barn drama, is that L wants me to move up there. I feel like if your coach encourages you to move to a different barn there is usually a good reason and the fact that she wants me to move to her barn is a complement in many ways. Some of the other things are: better footing, nicer stalls, not being separated from the rest of the barn, better wash stall, better trails, EXCELLENT barn manager. I gave my notice and think I’ll be moving at the end of August/early September. I’m so freaking excited but sort of bummed at the same time. I’ve made some great friendships at my current barn and will miss many things about it. I hate moving and creating all new relationships and putting Katai through that again just isn’t what I want to be doing right now but ultimately I think it’s for the best.

Regarding #mareproblems I’ve got a couple updates. First, it seems I really have been overreacting about this. Several people have told me that they have the same thing happen and that Katai’s isn’t that bad. The rubbing/scalding is isolated to right between her back legs and not really affecting anything else. I caught it earlier this time and was able to keep it to an even smaller area and after the first day of treatment she no longer acted like walking was difficult or painful (and I always need to keep in mind that she can be a baby about these things and certainly isn't a stoic horse). However, what’s still bothering me is that from what I’m hearing most of the time you have to treat and it’s tough to prevent. I did get a couple of suggestions that I’m going to try including changing up her current supplement regime, which was actually sort of already in progress, and the brilliant idea from T (Project Gingersnap) to keep her sprayed with Show Sheen to help keep the gunk from sticking and burning. I’m also going to try to be proactive by coating her in Vaseline or Swat whenever I think there’s a chance she may go into heat such as when I move her to a new barn. She is clearly still tender and doesn’t want me scrubbing it at all but I’m hoping that after another coating of destine soaks in that her skin will be softer and less sore and she’ll let me clean her up with baby wipes at least.

In other updates I get to go to the Dover tent sale this weekend with H and I’m so excited! I have a $50 giftcard for watching my boyfriend’s, mother’s (hereafter referred to as A) dog and I’ve got a few things I need to pick up, including Show Sheen, so it should be a great shopping trip. I’m also excited because A, who’s also an eventer hence the very appropriate Dover giftcard, and I are going to get together to see each other’s horses. I’ve met her horse before but she’s invited me to ride her warmblood/thoroughbred gelding this time and she’s never met my pony but has of course seen tons of pictures. That’s planned for the 23^rd and photos and possibly video will hopefully follow.