My Anchor

My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday on my way home from work, the week of Thanksgiving, by text. I'd had a gut feeling for the past two weeks that something was going on but I never thought it was that. I feel completely blindsided especially because I truly loved the guy and there was no indication that he didn't love me. He was still looking at me with gooey eyes, holding me close, kissing me on the top of the head, pulling me onto his lap on the couch when we were watching a movie together and we were having fun in bed.

I really didn't see it coming.

I did get him to admit that he "bumped into someone else and just went crazy" so whether it was someone he knew from before or just someone new I'll never know. I'm completely positive that he broke up with me because the relationship wasn't new and exciting anymore.

I'd rather never pull my outside life into my horse blog but this relationship has been so important to me and such a wonderful thing that I need to address it and mostly I needed to say that Katai is truly my anchor.

Tonight it was cold and dark out and I was sad and wanted nothing more than to go home, curl up in a little ball and cry but I wanted so badly to see Katai's fluffy ears, to hear her high little whinny when she sees my car because she knows that I'm there for her, and to put on her nice warm blanket to protect her from the cold. I even missed my turn on the way home from work because I was too lost in thought so I went the long way to the barn and sure enough she greeted me with a whinny.

I love her so much and this actually came at something close to the right time, if there is such a thing, because things have been going so well with her. I have been spending so much time at the barn that when I saw the text one of my first thoughts, after how could this be happening, was that at least I would get to spend more time at the barn with my pony.

I don't really know what to do with myself right now other than spend time at the barn. I didn't just loose my boyfriend I feel like I lost my best friend, or at least my best human friend.

Tonight I had nowhere near the mental capacity to ride. I brought Katai into the arena, out of the wind, and free lunged her over some jumps. She was full of herself and snorting smoke in the cold air, doing her best to make me laugh so for a little while I forgot about stupid boys and enjoyed my girl. When she was done I fed her her grain, put on her nice fluffy blanket and cried into her mane for awhile. She was calm and patient and wise way beyond her six years and wrapped her neck around me.

I needed my night with her tonight and I'll need my time with her this week more than every. I'm so glad that I have such a true friend.